Community: Season 6ish
by TheAmazingS
Summary: (To be read in the style of George Takei) Hello, welcome to Community: Season 6ish. When last we left our intrepid band of misfits, Subway had been vanquished by Jeff's Power of Love, Abed's asteroid almost wiped out existence, and it was discovered Yahoo! was still a thing. Oh, my.
1. Exploration of American Romanticism

**AN: **First off, thank you for the responses to Introduction to Pharmaceutical Addiction. I will be honest, didn't really know if I was going to post any more, but two things happened: 1) Insomnia, and 2) I was bored during said insomnia and may have read "My Immortal." Followed by repeated viewings of the music video for Evanescence's "My Immortal." What does this have to do with Community, you may ask? Or anything? Beats me. I just feel like being chatty. So, how's everything in your lives?

Digressing.

This will be ongoing. Until I feel like not doing it anymore. Eh. I have undiagnosed ADD stemming from an incident with a why is my fan squeaking? The first five chapters are written and constitute what would essentially be considered the Season Premiere. It won't all be massive arcs like that. Like any TV show, there will be breather chapters. Hopefully nothing as bad as History 101. I guarantee nothing, however.

* * *

><p>Abed wasn't a computer.<p>

Mostly.

Despite what was continually insinuated, he had emotions. If he didn't, Abed wouldn't have had to clone himself so that he could deal with Troy's decision to sail around the world. He had some understanding of joy, anger, pain, and even basic sexual attraction. The last wasn't as prevalent, but, really, that's why he and Rachel worked well together as a pair; neither were all that hung up on sex. Sure, it was good when they had it, but they went weeks in between tumbles without either of them really noticing they hadn't been physical.

Honestly, it was more a 'best friends with benefits' situation than anything.

But, again, neither of them really complained. After Abed's snafu in the _Pile of Bullets _incident, the two of them sat down and laid out what, exactly, they expected from their relationship. It boiled down to "people watching buddy, movie watching buddy, occasional sex buddy, and movie recreation buddy." It was a different dynamic than he had with Troy…

Has. Has with Troy.

Abed's relationship with Rachel was optimal for them both. It was comfortable without being boring, they shared interests, and neither really cared if they went stretches of time without speaking. Not that they went more than a couple of days without contact of some sort, but it was nice to know that he and Rachel didn't have to constantly be with each other to validate their relationship. What wasn't optimal was whatever the hell was happening between Annie and Jeff.

That wasn't completely correct. Abed knew what was going on with Annie and Jeff. Abed may not be a computer, but he was a keen observer of human nature. Over the years, he had shifted his description of himself as less Data from _Star Trek: The Next Generation _and more the titular character from the BBC's excellent _Sherlock. _Which was perfect, really, because Rachel made a better Watson to his Holmes than Troy. Though Troy, and even Annie, made better Constables to his Inspector than Rachel did. Troy and Annie could feed into his more whimsical moments, but Rachel grounded him in reality while still able to appreciate role-playing. If there was a way to take parts of each of the three of them and mold it into one super-being, Abed might actually find himself falling in love. At least as he understood it.

And, as he understood love, Abed was well aware of how Jeff felt about Annie, and vice versa. Really, they all were by this point, even Hickey, who had known them for only a semester. Actually, Hickey had them pegged about three meetings into the Save Greendale Committee.

"Winger knows he has to fill out the dating paperwork now, right?" Hickey had asked after the two had left the meeting in question, which had ended with Annie going full Disney Face on Jeff to get him to help her attack a colony of what was possibly sentient black mold in the science building. Despite protests to the contrary, Jeff had never managed to build up a strong enough resistance for when she went full Disney. And his protest time decreased with each instance by a full two seconds. Abed figured Jeff would be agreeing to things without the Disney Face by about halfway through the semester.

"They've been like that for years," Shirley said sweetly. "I was worried about their souls for the longest time, but I don't think they'll ever cross the line into sin. And, at this point, I'm more worried when they aren't making googly eyes at each other." She lowered her voice two octaves. "Bad things happen."

Britta nodded in agreement. "They aren't dating." She paused and looked at Troy and Abed. "Right?"

"Define dating," Troy said. "Does that mean that they go out on little side adventures without the rest of us, share what they think are secret, longing looks, and have sex?"

"Pretty much," Britta said. Suddenly, hers and Shirley's gazes locked and their heads whipped towards the doors of the library, a look of comprehension on their faces. Shirley muttered a prayer as she tried to stare a hole in Jeff's and Annie's backs, despite the fact that they were well out of sight by that point.

Troy let out a breath in relief. "Then they aren't dating, because Annie would have mentioned the sex in her diary and whoops."

"Troy is right, Britta," Abed said, taking over the narrative from his other half, who looked about ready to cry. "Jeff is about ready to admit his feelings, but just needs one, last catalyst. Annie is hung up on a Winger speech from our third year, where Jeff said without outright saying it that neither of them was quite ready for a relationship with each other yet. She's more ready than she thinks she is, but won't see it until Jeff hurts her one last time."

"You got through that with a surprising lack of movie references," Britta narrowed her eyes.

"Annie wrote that all in her diary, did she?" Shirley asked menacingly.

Troy and Abed exchanged looks and shrugged. "She may have overanalyzed her feelings towards Jeff," Troy said. "And gone into a disturbingly detailed account of how she would take us all out if she had to."

Abed nodded quickly, eyes wide. "After reading it, I've decided that Annie is Batman now."

Britta adopted a thoughtful look at that. "As a psych major..."

"Stop," Hickey interrupted. He sighed and said, "I can't believe you people are dragging me into this. You two," he jabbed a finger at Troy and Abed, "stay out of Miss Edison's diary. I've had her in my class long enough to know she can fake a crime scene impossibly well. And you," he turned to Britta, "don't meddle. Nothing good comes from meddling under normal circumstances. In this place, it'll start another riot. Just leave them alone."

At the time, they reluctantly agreed with Hickey and decided to let Jeff and Annie sort out their relationship. Now, months later, Abed was aware of a shift on both of their parts and could trace it easily back to Borchert's lab. Annie's breakthrough was simple to deduce, since she delivered the Winger speech to bring about closure and emotional resolution instead of Jeff during the Subway Takeover. She finally realized that her feelings for Jeff were genuine, not simply 'being in love with the idea of being loved,' as she put it once upon a time. And, like Abed had predicted, her breakthrough occurred because Jeff was a monumental idiot and proposed to Britta as his world started crumbling around him.

Jeff had been just as easy to figure out. There weren't many things that could have triggered a passionate response from him to reboot Borchert's computer. Really, the only question had been whether it was Annie, alone, that had opened the door, or the combined impact of his feelings for Annie, Britta, and Abed, himself. Abed didn't really consider the Dean as an emotional touchstone for Jeff and, thus, eliminated him from contention. The fact that Jeff had them turn their backs all but guaranteed it was his love for Annie that had saved Greendale. He would have been looking at her to get the necessary feeling, and it would have been obvious to all of them, at that point.

What bothered Abed, though, was that, instead of acting as a catalyst to bring them closer together, saving Greendale actually seemed to drive them farther apart. There was a gulf between them, a tension that had nothing to do with their mutual attraction. The Save Greendale Committee wasn't meeting any longer, but the group sans Hickey, who had gone to visit his son and son-in-law for the summer, still got together regularly at either Annie and Abed's or Jeff's apartments. It was actually a bit more common for them to congregate at Jeff's as the get-togethers became more frequent, since he had a bit more space and furniture than the younger pair.

Abed had assumed, based on their combined breakthroughs and previous history, that Jeff and Annie would just naturally gravitate towards each other when they all gathered. Instead, they would almost go out of their way to avoid being next to one another, much less alone. Jeff had almost become rooted at the hip to Duncan, who wasn't complaining, as he now had a regular drinking buddy. Annie, for her part, stayed close to Rachel, Shirley, or Chang, oddly enough. Neither seemed comfortable around Britta or Abed, himself, for what were obvious reasons to the latter.

It was getting absurd, Abed thought, as he watched them dance around each other at yet another group social outing. This time it was to L Street and without Shirley, who had her boys for the weekend. Abed had decided to experiment a little when they arrived and manipulated the seating to where Jeff and Annie had no choice but to sit next to each other in the booth the group had claimed. He watched discreetly as they exchanged awkward glances and seemed to have a silent conversation that ended with Annie huffing and sliding in first to sit next to Britta, followed by Jeff sitting so close to the edge, he only had one buttock in the booth.

This lasted all of five minutes. "I'm going to play pool," Jeff announced. He slid out of the booth like it was on fire, his scotch sloshing a little as he snapped it up. Chang jumped to join him, followed by Duncan. Annie visibly deflated, her eyes finding the ceiling in what Abed felt was relief.

Abed saw Britta's eyes track from Jeff at the pool table to Annie in the booth several times. He wasn't sure she was going to put the pieces together, at least not in the appropriate way, but if there was one thing Abed had learned about Britta in the last few months it's that you underestimate her at your own risk. Britta drained her bottle and said, "I need a refill. Annie?"

Annie nodded and slid out of the booth without saying anything. She did let out a yelp of surprise as Britta grabbed her elbow and practically dragged her through the crowd towards the bar. The music and the overall chatter of people on a Friday night drowned out Annie's protests, but Abed got the gist.

Rachel sipped her drink, a vodka cranberry, thoughtfully beside him and nodded towards the bar. "That won't end well."

"Critical analysis failure," Abed said with a sip of his beer. "Though Britta has helped me on occasion, Annie is on a whole different level. She's Dr. Cox from _Scrubs._"

"I would have thought that was Jeff," Rachel frowned in thought. "Both have vanity issues, are incredibly snarky, and believe they are God's gift to their professions, but have to settle for lesser positions because they refuse to play by the rules."

Abed considered this for a moment. "Personality wise, yes. Jeff is the Dr. Cox of our group. From a neurosis standpoint, Annie is much closer, as she believes she can get through her issues without psychiatric help, rehab notwithstanding, which is, most likely, a manifestation of her control issues. She also has the drug addiction that parallels Dr. Cox's alcoholism, which Jeff doesn't have. Put it all together and it will lead her to be antagonistic towards any therapist, to the point of reducing said therapist to tears."

Because real life mimicked television more than anyone would willingly admit, Britta returned to the booth at that moment with tears in her eyes that she was doing her best to discreetly wipe away. Abed and Rachel both tracked their gazes to the bar, where Annie was still leaning with a definite 'don't mess with me' vibe rolling off her. Britta sniffed loudly and said, "So, Annie wanted me to let you know she's calling it an early night."

"You were doomed to fail," Abed said automatically.

Britta looked torn between giving him a look of utter shock and her sour-puss face, settling on something that made her look like she had suffered a stroke. Rachel squeezed her eyes shut and let out a rough sigh. "Abed, we've discussed this."

Abed frowned. "Too blunt?"

"Too blunt," she confirmed.

"I'm sorry, Britta," Abed said with a tilt of his head that he hoped conveyed contrition. "I merely meant that Annie is beyond your ability to therapize. Unlike Jeff and myself, who actually wanted help even if we had to be led there somewhat forcefully, Annie won't acknowledge that the situation between her and Jeff has become unmanageable."

Britta hunched down in the booth and crossed her arms tightly across her chest. "She didn't have to be a B about it."

"You went straight to the Elektra Complex, didn't you?" Abed asked.

"No," Britta said. They all watched as Annie stormed out the front door of the bar, completely ignoring Jeff's calls after her and only sparing Chang, of all people, a brief response. Britta winced. "Maybe."

Rachel and Abed both groaned. "For starters, you went to the father well first, which isn't the root of her problems, it's her mother," Abed said. "Yes, Annie and her father aren't close, but she's made her peace with it. They speak when it's expected; holidays, birthdays. He floats her a check every two months. That's the extent of their relationship and they both seem okay with it. Her mother's controlling nature is what Annie still struggles to overcome and what led her down the road to addiction."

Britta eyed him for a long moment, lips pursed in thought. "You're still reading her diary, aren't you?"

"She's a surprisingly engaging writer," Abed said.

Rachel bobbed her head. "Her knack for detail is really beneficial when she's describing certain fantasies."

Britta's eyes bugged out. "You two haven't acted out those fantasies, have you?"

"No." "Yes."

Abed and Rachel started and glanced at the other and then back to Britta.

"Yes." "No."

"So wrong," Britta muttered into her drink. Abed and Rachel didn't look at each other, but still connected with a high-five for the exchange with big grins on their faces. "And a vicious violation of privacy on the level of the No Such Agency."

Abed and Rachel both groaned, while a wadded up cocktail napkin hit Britta in the face from an adjacent booth. Britta glared at the other two before asking, "What was the other thing?"

Abed tilted his head. "Sorry?"

"You said for starters with her dad," Britta said. "What was the other thing I messed up?"

"Oh, that," Rachel said, offering a small smile. "Her hang up with Jeff has nothing to do with her birth-family issues. If we," she gestured to Abed, who nodded a confirmation that she spoke for both, "had to venture a guess, she doesn't know how to act now after laying herself bare down in that lab. Annie thinks Jeff is being standoffish because he knows now that she's in love with him."

"Which is making her angry because it's reminding her of their kiss after the Tranny Dance," Abed picked up the narration. "She's also a little afraid because, despite the fact that neither has actually said the words out loud, they are each other's best friend and she doesn't want to lose that. Annie's never really had one. She sees Troy and me as little brothers, more so than her actual brother, who was creepy on a level that _I_ noticed it."

Britta blinked. "Wait. Annie has a brother? Since when?"

"Don't worry about it," Abed waved it off. "He'll probably never get mentioned again. Like Buddy."

"Who?" Britta asked.

"Exactly," Abed nodded approvingly. "Anyway, you and Shirley are her big sister and mom substitute, respectively. Pierce was her dad substitute. She's already lost Pierce and Troy, so she's panicking that this mess with Jeff will send him running, like it's done in the past, and that this time he won't come back so they can reset at the end of the episode."

Britta nodded thoughtfully. "But Jeff isn't being a douche this time. He's actually...being sweet, I guess? Not just to her; to all of us. Though the way he's acting like a teenager with his first crush towards her is hilarious. You know he apologized to me for the whole engagement mess? I mean, we were both just trying to deal, so whatevs. I was in shock enough that falling into the trap that the penisocracy has set for women in the 'institution' of marriage actually sounded appealing. Did you know that marriage was originally..."

"Britta, I'm stopping you right there," Abed cut in. "While you were ramping up to probably your best pseudo-political rant in some weeks, we've only got a limited amount of time before Jeff, Duncan, and Chang wander back over now that Annie's left."

"Fine," Britta huffed. "Recapping, Annie's speech forced Jeff to acknowledge his feelings towards her, but she's overanalyzed his possible responses without noticing his actual response."

"Actually, he did that years ago," Abed corrected, though he was forced to admit her analysis of Annie was surprisingly dead-on. "After Annie's Model U.N. breakdown. She transcribed his entire speech. Troy cried for thirty minutes after we read it. Now, he's just realized the depth of his feelings."

"Okay," Britta said slowly. "So, what changed for Jeff, then?"

Abed and Rachel exchanged another look and silent conversation. This time, Abed nodded and asked, "What do you think allowed Jeff to open up the door down in Borchert's lab?"

"I assumed the reflection of his abs," Britta joked, holding up a hand for a high-five. She shamefully put her hand down when neither of them gave her as much as a pity slap. "C'mon, that was a quality burn."

"It was love," Abed said. "But, not just any love."

Rachel nodded and leaned in closer to Britta. "True love."

"Okay," Britta snorted. "I realize he's changed a lot since the jag he was when we first started Greendale, but Jeff Winger isn't capable of 'true love' with anyone other than a mirror."

Abed leaned back, steepling his fingers before him. "Isn't he? Five years ago, would you have pictured Jeff hanging out willingly with both Duncan and Chang?" He nodded his head towards the pool table, where Jeff was watching Chang do something that vaguely resembled billiards. There was actually a fond look on his face, if Abed was gauging the upturn of his mouth correctly.

Britta watched the trio play for a while before letting out a sigh. "His feelings for Annie opened the door."

"Exactly," Abed nodded, happy that he didn't have to lead her there. She really was becoming more analytical and hadn't Britta'd anything for months, panicked engagements notwithstanding. "I entertained the notion that it was his combined love for the three of us that rebooted the computer, but, logically, while he cares about both of us, neither of us would evoke the necessary passion that was required."

"No offense, Britta," Rachel added with a soft smile to lessen the blow.

"I should be pissed, right?" Britta asked after a moment. "I mean, he kind of proposed to me while he was in love with someone else. That's got to be the plot of a movie, right?"

"Romantic false lead?" Rachel asked Abed with the seriousness of a doctor asking for a consult.

Abed frowned. "Possibly. Though, Britta is a main character and didn't just disappear after their relationship fizzled. That applies more to Professor Slater."

"Who?"

"First season," Abed said. "Taught statistics and was Jeff's first serious love interest at Greendale."

Rachel's eyes lit up in recognition. "Isn't she the one that went missing for three years before she was found at some commune in Hawaii?"

"That's the one," Abed nodded. He turned to Britta and asked, "Romantically, how do you feel about Jeff?"

Britta took a moment to consider. "Jeff and I are better as friends. I guess that's why I'm not that upset with the whole, aborted engagement thing. The only real passion we have is to drive one another crazy."

Abed and Rachel nodded at each other and chorused, "Wrong guy first."

Britta shook her head. "I'm lost."

"You, Jeff, and Annie are the romantic leads of _Sweet Home Alabama_," Abed supplied. He shrugged at Rachel's stunned look. "She gets Reese Witherspoon movies."

"Duh-doy," Britta said with a forehead slap. "I'm the New York City mayor's son Jeff thinks he's in love with until he realizes how much his first love, Annie, has grown and changed right before we get hitched and that he really does love her."

Rachel goggled at the blonde. "I don't even…"

"Which brings us to the crux of the problem," Abed said. "The Jeff and Annie of It All. They're stuck where they're at, despite both being at the right time and place emotionally to have their relationship upgrade. I've come to the conclusion that they need a push, so this is what I propose."

Britta and Rachel both leaned closer to Abed, looks of expectation on their faces, even while he sat as still as a painting, hands splayed before him as if he were making a point. Rachel watched him for about a minute before turning to Britta. "Uh, this is a new one to me."

"I think he's waiting for a commercial break," Britta muttered. "Abed, sweetie, you realize no one's cutting away from us, right? This conversation isn't brought to you by Hawthorne Wipes, for when you absolutely need racially pure hand cleanser."

Abed blinked and leaned back in the booth, his arms folded across his chest and a look of dissatisfaction on his face. "There really should have been a quick cut to Jeff or Annie right there."


	2. Principals of Chiropteran Reasoning

Annie rushed into the study room to find it in complete chaos.

It didn't help the panic that had built within her since receiving a voicemail from Dean Pelton a half-hour ago. The fact that none of her friends were answering their phones wasn't conducive to calm thoughts, either.

Police tape had, once again, cordoned off a corner of the room, with a few of the beige-clad campus security officers blocking the view of what, exactly, was going on. It didn't help that she was five-foot-three in her tennis shoes. The Dean's call had caught her preparing for her morning run, so she was clad in a blue tank top and pink running shorts. It was probably as casually dressed as she had been on the Greendale campus since returning last semester, which was probably only adding to her panic, really.

The security officers gave her a brief once over, then a second, slower leer which they aborted after she glared at each in turn. They were holding riot shields which, Annie reflected, probably weren't a bad investment for the school, though she didn't remember the authorization for the expenditure coming across the Save Greendale Committee. She would have seen it, too, as Dean Pelton had virtually pawned off any decision making of that nature to the committee and, by default as their leader, her.

Annie was still a little unsure how that had happened, really. Jeff had the gavel, but even he deferred all planning and decisions to her, with the group voting on her various recommendations, if not just flat-out doing what she told them to. Abed had called her 'the Power Behind the Throne' a few times, which Annie wasn't sure she liked. Once, during a…less-than-proud moment in a fight with Jeff, he actually called her 'the Starscream,' which, having been familiar with the _Transformers_, she was really not pleased with.

The riot guards turned back to what looked like a game of hangman that they were playing on one of their shields as she bobbed on her toes to try to see what was beyond them. Honestly, the security force was now volunteer students looking for a free credit, so she wasn't exactly sure how much help they were being, anyway. What credit they were earning was left a little vague; she thought it was something in the Criminology field, but it could have been Ladders, for all she knew.

Annie crushed down her wandering thoughts. It was evidence of her stress that she was focusing on different things and analyzing them to within an inch of their theoretical lives in an effort to distract her from what was really bothering her. She was well aware of her patterns and hang-ups, thank you very much, Britta. She didn't need to be therapized and was perfectly content to…

Deep breath, Edison. Focus.

There you go.

"Dean?" she called out, bobbing back up on to her toes to see if she could see him.

"Annie, thank God," the Dean's voice drifted over to her from somewhere behind the wall of bored security. The two in the middle were jostled out of the way by the stringy bald man, who was dressed…

"Dean, is that one of Jeff's shirts?" Annie asked, eyes narrowed. He was more casually dressed than he normally was while at Greendale, in that he was wearing a blue button up and what looked like designer jeans. The sleeves on the shirt had been rolled up a couple of times, just enough to be stylish. The Dean actually wore the look well, but it was still disturbingly reminiscent of someone she was trying hard to put out of her mind, even with his lack of hair and the glasses.

The Dean gave a 'aw shucks' look and toed the carpet. "This old thing? I've had it for years, Annie. This is just how I look when I'm being a Craigular Joe and not running a college."

"Right," Annie said, letting the last syllable drag out a little. She shook herself and refocused on the task at hand. "What's going on? Who's hurt? Is it…is…"

Again, the panic that she had felt upon hearing the Dean's voicemail rose back up in her chest. Bile burned in the back of her throat, stars danced in her vision, and she swayed a little on her feet. The Dean must have noticed the paleness on Annie's face and the way she suddenly was unsteady, as he helped her to what was Abed's usual chair at their table. The cordoned off area was directly across from it, along the blackboard that always seemed to have a vaguely appropriate message to whatever antics the group was getting up to at any given time.

Annie was dimly aware of sitting, followed by a paper bag being shoved into her hands. She frowned at the bag for a moment before looking up slowly at the Dean, who was giving her a look that was half pity and half apologetic. "Annie, it's okay," he said soothingly. "Your friends are all right."

She felt a knot in her stomach untangle, though not completely. "But…but you said…a beloved member of my family was in danger?"

The Dean winced at that. "Yeah, I probably should have given a little more detail on the phone. Unfortunately, I only have a few minutes left and couldn't waste them, since I'm expecting a call from…a friend with a mutual interest." He looked around and leaned in, a hand blocking his mouth from the security guards. "Let me tell you, Annie, when you go to strange men who sell cell phone plans out of the trunks of their cars, you get what you pay for."

"Dean," Annie said with more than a little promise of pain in her voice. Five years of being friends with Shirley had taught her when to use her 'I love butterflies' voice and when to use her 'shove a face into a jukebox' voice. "What's going on?"

The Dean's throat bobbed comically before he said, "Well, it seems the Greendale Human Being has been mascot-napped by a nefarious mastermind."

Annie blinked stupidly. "What?"

The administrator huffed and gestured her to follow him. He pushed past the security guards, who didn't even look up from their game of Shield Hangman. Annie started as she took in the scene, a tiny gasp of shock coming out of her mouth. The Human Being costume had been pinned to the wall beside the chalkboard, Christ-like, with a long tear down the front of the suit, perfectly splitting the 'G' on the chest. Thankfully, it was empty, but the imagery was still disturbing. Especially since the mascot gave her the creeps under normal circumstances.

The forensic science student in her immediately put aside the fear she had been experiencing at the thought that something had happened to…any of her friends and began analyzing the scene. The area around it was perfectly maintained, without so much as a piece of paper in the printers out of place. In fact, the only thing that Annie noticed had been disturbed was the motivational poster to the left of the chalkboard, which had been carefully set aside to accommodate the Human Being suit.

Annie was so shaken by the scene that she almost didn't notice the chalkboard and the two riddles written on it. "'What builds up castles, tears down mountains, makes some blind, and others see?' What…?"

"I know, right?" the Dean said with an emphatic gesture at the board, where the riddles had been written in a rough scrawl. "We've had some of the best minds who happened to be hanging around the cafeteria at eight a.m. on a Saturday look at it and come up with nothing."

Garrett raised his hand. "I'm very confused. I just went to get a coffee and then the Dean pulls me in here…"

"The answer is sand," Annie said distractedly as she leaned forward to look closely at the board. "The second one…"

An unwelcome voice broke her concentration. "Hey, Dean," Jeff called from somewhere beyond the wall of security. "We need to talk about boundaries and you giving me back my phone and the spare key you stole."

The Dean lit up with a huge smile. "Jeffrey..."

"Craig," Jeff growled. The security must have parted at that exact moment, because the last syllable trailed off into a question. Annie refused to turn around, though, and started examining the chalk on the board closely. "What the hell?"

The Dean cleared his throat awkwardly. "Jeffrey, as you can see, we've had a bit of a situation."

"It looks like the Human Being finally snapped," Jeff said. "Which means he's probably going to take the rest of us with him. Therefore, I'm leaving. _After_ you give me back my phone and my key."

"But Jeffrey…"

"Phone. Key. Now."

The Dean sighed and Annie heard some shuffling. There was probably a vital clue in the chalk dust, though, so she didn't divert her attention for an instant. "Fine. Here you go, Jeffrey."

Jeff must have turned to leave, because the Dean said, a little louder than he possibly needed to, considering she was standing two feet away, "So, Annie, have you figured out the second riddle yet?"

She closed her eyes and fought the urge to curse, because… "Wait. Annie?"

Yep. She turned from the chalkboard, finding his eyes on her with a blazing intensity that made her cheeks heat up. "Hi, Jeff."

"What's going on?" he asked, eyes sliding from her to the Dean and back. Irrationally, she felt under-dressed and wanted to at least pull her hair out of the pony tail. Annie quickly squashed that desire. "Why are you here?"

She tilted her head and turned on the Dean. "That's actually a good question. Why _am _I here?"

"Well, Annie, normally, on something of this magnitude, I would have Professor Hickey look into it," the Dean said. "But, seeing as he is visiting his son and son-in-law this summer, and can I just say that's just the kind of progressive spirit we like to see at Greendale? Anyhow, he said to contact you instead."

"The Human Being has been kidnapped," Annie exclaimed. "You should be calling the police."

"I would love to, but 911 has blocked Greendale's number," the Dean said, his hands on his hips. "Apparently, there've been a few too many riots over what they called 'ridiculous circumstances,' so they will no longer come to Greendale for anything less than a felony."

"KIDNAPPING IS A FELONY," Annie and Jeff both yelled. They caught each other's eyes for a brief second, smiles threatening to pull at the corners of their mouths, but then Jeff jerked his head down and the moment was shattered. Annie wasn't sure how she felt about that, but was leaning towards disappointment. Mortification was a close second, though.

"It is?" the Dean frowned, but quickly waved it off. "That's neither here nor there. We need to keep this in-house for the time being. Besides, this is the kind of high-stakes, investigative caper you two usually jump at the chance to work on together."

"If I remember correctly, you called us creepy for doing that not three months ago," Jeff pointed out with a hard glare.

"Did I?"

"YES," both shouted.

"Like that time at that truck stop on route six, I choose not to remember the incident in question," the Dean said. "Look, Annie, Jeffrey, right now Greendale needs its dynamic duo. If you don't save the Human Being from this…this...puzzler, who will?"

Jeff groaned. "Please don't let that be what we're calling this loon."

"I think it fits," Annie said. Part of her, the logical part that got shoved to the side when Jeff was involved, screamed in frustration. But, even when her childish side was left in charge, she had learned to corral it from getting too out of hand. She let out a breath for a ten count and said, "Jeff, don't worry about it. Go home and have a nice weekend. I'll see you when I see you."

"You'll see…" Jeff sputtered. Annie wasn't entirely sure, but she thought she saw genuine hurt on his face. It was just a flash before anger flared up in his light blue eyes. He spun to the Dean and said, "Fine. We'll find the stupid mascot. But I'm getting hazard pay."

The Dean winced. "I can offer you a complimentary dinner for two to Olive Garden."

Jeff glared for a moment, obviously debating something in his head. Finally, he huffed and surprised Annie by saying, "Deal."

"Excellent," the Dean said. He clapped and gestured to the security guards. "We'll just clear out and let you two have at it."

"And I want all the extra keys you made," Jeff called out as the Dean led the guards out of the library.

"I don't know what you mean," was the fading response.

"I really need to find a new place to live," Jeff muttered. He looked up and pinned Annie in place with a look that was equal parts terrified and, if she wasn't mistaken, happy. She fought the urge to run after the security guards because that was probably as far from being an adult about the situation as could be. At least she assumed. "Hi."

"Hi," she parroted and it was just as awkward as his.

Running was actually sounding like the best option, maturity be damned.

Stupid Annie giving stupid speeches about letting people want what they want.

Jeff coughed and rubbed his neck awkwardly. "So, uh, Greendale has a supervillain now. Surprised it hasn't happened sooner."

Annie stared at him for a long moment, her mind moving rapidly. What was he doing? Why was he acting like they hadn't just spent the last few weeks ignoring each other? Why did he stay behind? What soap did he use, because he smells like chocolate? This whole 'Puzzler' thing had to be a set-up. They hadn't had a proper conversation since before Borchert's lab and now he was here to do their usual team-up for a caper? Really? Abed really needs to clean out the DVR. Why was the Dean making up all that about the police refusing the come to Greendale? How often did he break into Jeff's apartment and coordinate what to wear? Why did Jeff have to wear his shirts _that_ tight, because all she wanted to do now was…

Ooh. Stars.

"Annie," Jeff was suddenly at her side, his hands on her shoulders and neck craning to try to meet her gaze. "Annie, you need to breathe."

"Okay," she said weakly. She took a few deep breaths and felt her dizziness start to alleviate slowly. Annie waited another a few seconds before looking up at Jeff with an embarrassed smile and nodded. "Thanks."

"No problem," he said, giving her a much more genuine grin. "Next time you decide to let your mind rapid-fire analyze the crap out of something, remember oxygen is a necessary part of life."

Annie groaned. How did he know that's what she was doing?

"Because you're my best friend," he said as if it was the simplest thing in the world and _oh my god I said that out loud_, she realized.

Her cheeks burned red and Annie quickly turned back to the chalkboard and the two riddles. "Right. So, missing mascot."

"We're really going through with this and not calling the cops?" Jeff asked, his voice suddenly farther away. Annie glanced over her shoulder and saw him inside the police tape, but still staying a respectful distance back. His posture was defensive, with his face tight, his eyes narrowed, and his arms folded over his chest tightly. The whole thing was incredibly appealing, if Annie had were honest.

She shook herself before she could fall down the rabbit hole again. "The mascot isn't missing. At least, not the person in the costume."

"Wait, what?" Jeff asked, palming his face. "Then what's with this bad Batman rip-off?"

"Misdirect," Annie murmured. "Scene was set up a little too perfectly. Note the motivational poster. It was gingerly set aside, as if whoever did it didn't want to damage school property. Even the hanging of the costume was done with push pins, which make the holes in the wall less noticeable. This was carefully done to draw attention, yet not be harmful."

Jeff made a noise. "Okay, what about the riddles, Veronica Mars?"

"First answer is sand," Annie said. "Second one…"

"Shakespeare's Winter Queen," Jeff read.

"Hermione," Annie said. She shrugged at Jeff's disbelieving look. "What? You know I like to read. It's from _The Winter's Tale_."

"Right, of course, silly me," Jeff intoned. "So, we've got two riddles, with answers of sand and a Harry Potter character."

"Not just any Harry Potter character, Jeff," Annie said. "A witch. Put the two answers together and you get…"

"Sandwich," Jeff groaned. "Let me guess, we'll find the mastermind, and I use that term loosely, in the cafeteria. Great, let's go. Maybe, if we hurry, I can at least get my locks changed by lunchtime."

"Nice, Jeff," Annie scowled as she stomped away from the crime scene. Jeff had caught up to her quickly, though, and was side-by-side with her before she even left the library. Curse his long legs that looked great in those designer jeans. Now that her mind wasn't overloading, Annie took in Jeff's appearance and consciously realized that it was nearly the same outfit the Dean had been wearing. The only difference was Jeff's shoes, which were a little nicer than the Dean's.

The Greendale campus was eerily quiet, though it was a Saturday in June. Still, there should have been a few students wandering around campus, as Greendale did offer some summer courses, which meant students finishing assignments. Jeff was teaching one, actually, on business law. Shirley had raved about the class during a girls' night with Britta just a week or so ago. Annie couldn't help the small smile that formed as she remembered how badly Jeff had fought becoming a teacher, only to really flourish in the role.

The pair walked in awkward silence for a while before Jeff asked, "How do you know the mascot isn't really kidnapped?"

"Huh?" Annie blinked before her brain re-engaged. "Oh. That's the costume that the Human Being was wearing during the Starburns Wake Riot."

Jeff stopped in mid-step, causing Annie to shoot past him a few steps before stopping, herself. "How could you possibly know that?" he asked.

"When Ben's interns rushed in, a few of them went right for the Human Being," Annie said offhandedly. "It got kind of vicious. A costume with that same rip was then seen hanging in Ben's office in surveillance photos we were able to get from when we were prepping to rescue the Dean. Apparently, it was put into storage and not tossed when we reclaimed the school. And, because you're about to ask, I know it was the same costume because it smells slightly of pepper spray and urine."

Jeff just gaped at her for a moment before shaking his head. "I kind of fear you a little right now."

Annie couldn't stop the bright smile or the happy little bob she did on her toes at his words. In truth, this was the first time in nearly a month that she had felt this light around Jeff. It was almost as if she had never unthinkingly bared her soul in a crazy coke-fiend's 1970s computer lab. This really was beginning to feel like one of those cutesy capers that the Dean had so annoyingly called them out on, even if something was tickling the back of Annie's mind that kept her from really taking this even as seriously as she did the Professor Professorson mess. Of course, that had been about trying to teach Jeff, and then the Dean, a lesson.

Wait.

No.

They wouldn't.

…

Yes, they would.

A voice in the back of her head that sounded a lot like Hickey said, _Review the facts, Miss Edison._

She closed her eyes and refocused on the events as she knew them. She and Jeff had suffered an emotional breakdown, at least as far as their relationship between one another went, and the group noticed. It started about the same time he rashly got engaged to Britta, though, thanks to Abed, Annie understood that it was nothing more than a childish attempt on both their parts to cling to the familiar. When all hope looked lost, however, and they were about to go crazy and attack Borchert, Annie was the one who calmed her friends down with a Winger speech so very thinly veiled that Jeff obviously had understood her for once. He then used a burst of passion from something (her going theory was that he used his love for everyone in the room, even the Dean) to open the door and save Greendale from Subway. Jeff and Britta gleefully broke off their engagement.

In the wake of the lab, their group had continued to hang out, but this time as friends, with no excuse needed to come together. It was something she had been adamant to Abed about; they stayed together this time. They had all gotten so lost after Jeff's graduation, so broken. That wasn't going to happen again. The funny thing was, with Jeff's appointment to Greendale as a teacher, they didn't need to work at it this time. He finally was accepting his place in life, overdosing on youth pills aside, and them in it. And he was showing it every day, really.

He had movie marathons with Abed and Rachel without complaint, partly to help take away the sting of Troy not being there. There was the coffee date every weekday with Shirley to force her to take a break from the sandwich shop, since she was throwing herself into the business now more than ever to distract herself from the fact that Andre had the kids. He and Britta still loved to snipe at each other, but it had become something of a sibling-like relationship, though Annie didn't dwell on the fact that they had slept together, otherwise that train of thought went squicky really quickly. He was closer with both Duncan and Ben, treating them as if they were actual friends. As for herself…

They were still too raw to really be able to be around one another. Or was it just her? Because, thinking back on it, Jeff had made efforts. Granted, not good ones. Awkward, really. It was as if he no longer knew how to talk to her and she wasn't helping him figure it out, like she normally would. There was even once, two weeks ago, where he started talking about the weather. Jeff Winger _talking about the weather._

He was making the attempt with her, but Annie saw now that she was the one shutting it down. She would end the conversation quickly and bolt to the other side of whatever room they would be in. Then there was the incredibly weird night at the bar the weekend prior, where it almost felt like Abed had manipulated the seating arrangement to force them to be near one another. She had practically sat in Britta's lap, while Jeff had gallantly taken up refuge on the edge of the bench. Granted, he bolted to play pool not five minutes later, but, with the way he was grimacing in pain every so often from being half out of the booth, it was impressive he lasted that long.

Of course, that night ended two minutes after Jeff left with Britta trying to claim that Annie wouldn't be able to deal with her feelings for him properly until she dealt with her father issues. Annie hadn't said two words to Britta since, which was like shining a Bat-Signal for their weird, nosy little circle. Because, obviously, Britta would complain to Abed and Rachel, since you didn't find one without the other…

Oh.

Oh, damn.

It was obvious, really, now that she thought about it. There was only one person she knew that would try to pull off this kind of homage for the reason she suspected.

Abed.

* * *

><p>AN: Thanks for all the responses to this testament to the lack of quality television at 2 a.m. CST. The plan is to upload a chapter on Wednesday's from here on out. Like most plans, it probably won't survive first contact with the enemy. Which means we'll go to Plan B. B for Boom. Possibly also F for Fuego. Dresden Files reference, don't worry about it. Can I ask something? What the hell was on CBS tonight? Turned on the TV and saw Justin Bieber stripping. I immediately turned the TV to anything else (Blue Bloods marathon on WGN, FTW!) but, really, what the hell? Can I sue? Because I feel dirty after that.


	3. Intermediate Supervillainry

A/N 1: So, this is a) a monster chapter, but I didn't want to break it up, and b) probably the only case in history where the author's note earns this a rating upgrade.

That being said...shit's about to get real.

* * *

><p>Annie nearly smacked her forehead at her realization. Because, of course it could have really only been one person who thought this scheme up.<p>

"Abed," Annie said out loud.

Jeff raised an eyebrow. "What about him?"

"He set this up," she said through gritted teeth.

"You're going to have to explain how you made the leap from me fearing you to Abed is the Puzzler," he said, followed by a muttered, "I can't believe I said that out loud."

Annie shook her head slowly, like it was underwater. "There's too much. Just…look, Jeff, he had motive, means, and opportunity."

"Annie," Jeff said cautiously. "It's not that I don't believe you, because god knows this wouldn't be the craziest thing he's ever done, but why would he fake up a crime scene and send us on a wild goose chase?"

She looked up at him a little sadly. "To fix us."

Jeff's eyes widened in realization and he opened his mouth to speak, but he was cut off by someone yelling, "Annie!"

They snapped their heads around to see Rachel sprinting across the quad. Annie noticed she looked really disheveled, as if she hadn't changed her clothes or showered in at least a day. She was wearing a white lab coat, a cream-colored blouse with little flowers and a pair of khaki slacks that weren't her usual style. Her hair was pulled back in as much of a pony tail as she could manage, while her glasses were slightly askew. Annie's eye snapped back to the blouse and made a squeak of indignation.

"Is that my blouse?" Annie asked.

Rachel blushed as she skidded to a stop before them. "Yeah, sorry. I don't really have any like this and Abed insisted I needed one to be in the proper character."

"Shouldn't you be Catwoman?" Jeff smirked. "I mean, I don't even remember a Batman villain who looked like that."

Rachel blinked. "What?"

"Jeff thinks Abed's doing a 1960s _Batman_ homage," Annie explained. "But we're not, are we?"

Rachel shook her head emphatically. "I mean, it kind of started that way, because Abed is convinced Annie is Batman…for reasons that are not important right now, but it kind of morphed into _Sherlock_ about halfway into planning. I'm supposed to be Molly."

Jeff leveled her with a glare. "Wait. In both of these scenarios I'm the sidekick, aren't I?"

"The Watson to her Holmes," Rachel nodded. "We didn't mean it as an insult, Jeff. This is really Annie's journey, not yours. You've had your eureka moment; you know what she means to you. We just felt we needed to help her see that."

"Wait, _what?_" Annie exclaimed, head comically swiveling between an angry Jeff and an impatient Rachel.

Jeff ignored her and let out a slow, steadying breath. "I'm trying really hard to not yell…"

Rachel winced. "And I appreciate that, because we…"

"But," Jeff continued as if she hadn't spoken. "We need to find your boyfriend and have the discussion about boundaries that I was going to have with Dean Dangerously Invasive. What's going on with Annie and I is no one's business but our own."

"Look, I get that," Rachel said. "I really do. But now really isn't a good time. You see…"

Jeff threw his hands up. "If you get that, then why did you go through with this whole ridiculous homage or whatever the hell Abed has decided it is he's doing this week?"

"Because you two are idiots and your friends wanted to help," Rachel shouted. Her eyes widened and she immediately threw her arm over her face.

Jeff blinked in surprise, his anger leaving him completely. "What are you doing?"

Rachel peeked over her arm, her eyes huge due to her glasses. "Embarrassed dog? Strictly speaking, it doesn't really apply in this situation, but sometimes it's okay to go against the norm."

"Um," Jeff stammered and turned to Annie. "Do you know what she's talking about?"

Annie scoffed. "Oh, good. I'm not invisible."

She regretted the words as soon as they were out of her mouth, but her frustration at being ignored just then had fused with the weeks of confusion and boiled over quicker than she would have liked. Even then, they weren't as biting as the first sentence that had rolled through her mind, and with one hundred percent fewer curse words. Just because she was twenty-three doesn't mean she was completely comfortable with adult language. It was, after all, a crutch and showed a lesser intelligence.

"Of course you're not invisible," Jeff said. She bristled at the patronizing tone that, intellectually, Annie knew he didn't really mean.

"Really?" Annie asked. It was almost as if she were having an out-of-body experience, because she didn't feel in control of her mouth any longer. Which was both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. "Because we've both done our best to pretend otherwise for the better part of, what? A month now? And, yes, I know I freaked you out with what I said, and now you don't know how to talk to me anymore, and I'm sorry for that. But I'm not sorry for what I said. Because, as much as we fight it, as much as we deny it, there is something here," she gestured emphatically between the two of them, "and we are never going to get out of this cycle we're in of hurting each other if we don't confront it. So, yes, Jeff, I love you. I'm sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear, but I do."

She felt like she was floating up above the scene, watching some version of her that no longer held back her thoughts and feelings finally get to let loose. Annie saw the fire in her eyes, a passion burning in them that she didn't realize she was capable of feeling. She knew from the absolutely stunned look on Jeff's face that she wasn't just wearing her formidable face, she was on a whole new level with it. Annie had never seen him look at her with that much awe, with a little fear and anger thrown into the mix. Heck, no one had ever given her a look like that. The closest would have been Vaughn five years ago, though his was more adoring than awestruck.

Distantly, she also saw Rachel playing with the sleeves of the lab coat. She also had warring emotions on her face, as it looked like she was joyous, annoyed, and impatient. In fact, Annie noted she kept looking at her cell phone every few seconds, obviously in a hurry for something, but she also didn't want to interrupt the breakthrough that Annie and Jeff were in the midst of, whatever that may end up being.

Reluctantly, Annie returned her full focus to Jeff. She half expected him to do his 'Here's the thing' exit on her, but he surprised her by not only standing pat, but in letting go of his anger, as well. She saw it leave his face, as the crease in his brow eased and the curve of his mouth was less of a frown. It was still confused, but there was a softness there that confused _her_.

"Annie," Jeff said but stopped himself with a head shake. He cleared the distance between them in three long strides and grabbed her by the shoulders, forcing her to meet his gaze. "Considering our history, what I'm about to say is going to sound really bad, but I need you to not punch me until I'm finished saying everything I have to say."

Annie frowned. "Okay?"

He cleared his throat and nodded, which Annie was pretty sure was to reassure himself more than anything. "So, uh, right. Here's the thing, Annie. You may have misread some things."

She saw red and time seemed to jump. Next thing she knew, Jeff was lying flat on the ground, pinching his nose to try to stop a tiny trickle of blood. Rachel was staring at her wide-eyed, hand over her mouth in a gasp. Also, oddly, the knuckles on her right hand stung badly. Annie followed the evidence trail and let out a tiny gasp.

"Are you okay?" Annie asked breathlessly. She fought the urge to rush to his side, since she was still mad at him, and instead settled for bouncing on her toes.

Jeff groaned from the ground. "In retrospect, I could have worded that better."

"Holy crap," Rachel said, her voice a half-whisper.

Annie winced. "Yeah. Sorry about that."

"Your right hook has improved," Jeff said causally, as if he were discussing what color of socks she happened to be wearing.

"I earned my second-degree black belt a few months ago," Annie said as she reached out to help Jeff stand. She froze as both of the other two exchanged glances and then fixed her with disbelieving stares. "What?"

Rachel cleared her throat nervously. "My knowledge of martial arts is pretty limited, but doesn't it usually take, like five years or something to get to that level?"

"I don't know," Annie said. "Maybe?"

"You were a purple belt like three years ago," Jeff said, leaning up on his elbows to get a better look at her. "And you had stopped going to those classes after moving in with the Wonder Twins."

Annie kicked at the ground a little avoiding both of their eyes. "Yeah, well, after we graduated and, y'know, lost touch, I started taking them again. I needed some way to deal with my frustrations."

Jeff pushed himself to his feet and leveled her with a look that Annie could in no way interpret. "Let me get this straight. You drop karate for two years, take it back up and, within a year, have jumped from a purple belt to a second-degree black belt?"

Annie shrugged tightly. "Well, it was a lot of hard work and I practiced every chance I could. I even started scheduling half hour slots in my class schedule when we came back to Greendale to make sure…"

A squeak left her as Jeff swept forward and pulled her into a hug. "You're insane," he said. "I love you, but you're insane."

A warm feeling came over her as she allowed herself to sink into the embrace. After a few moments, however, what he said, and more importantly, the way he said it, began to penetrate her mind. With a gasp, Annie shoved back against Jeff's chest, causing him to stumble and nearly fall again, if it hadn't been for Rachel catching his back. "Annie, what the hell?" he asked.

"What…" Annie cleared her throat after her voice cracked. "What did you say?"

"You're insane?" Jeff asked, raising an eyebrow. She was pretty sure he knew exactly what she had meant, but this was Classic Winger Deflection. He should really incorporate it into his classes. "That shouldn't be a revelation, Annie. I mean, the entire group has known about your freakish control issues since first year…"

"Not that," Annie cut him off. "The other part. You...you…"

He grimaced and Annie was left with the impression that he had hoped she hadn't noticed. He worked his jaw for a bit before finally gritting out, "I love you."

Annie felt her pulse quicken and the blood start rushing to her head. She took a few deep breaths to steady herself, because fainting was becoming a viable issue as the panic at…those words grew. His history with her meant that Annie just couldn't bring herself to really, truly believe him, no matter how much of her was screaming in joy at that moment. She shook her head finally and said, "Jeff, please don't just say that to…I don't even know. I just…can't."

"I'm not just saying it," he said emphatically. He closed his eyes and let out a heavy, shaky breath. "This isn't how I wanted this to go."

That caused her to raise an eyebrow. "And how did you think this was going to go?"

"Ideally, with me finally getting up the nerve to ask you out and coming clean with how I feel like an adult," Jeff sighed. "Unfortunately, as you noticed, I haven't been able to really do that because this is scary and potentially the single-most complicated thing pretty much ever. I've been practicing how to ask you out in front of a mirror for the last month, and Britta'd everything so hard each time. And that was just asking you out. Duncan can vouch, because he caught me doing it one morning after one of our group nights out."

"Duncan knows?" Annie said meekly.

"Annie, I'm pretty sure everyone _but_ you knew," Jeff said with a small smirk.

Rachel raised a tentative hand behind him. "That's true. It's why we put this together."

Annie just stared at him for a long moment. Her mind was racing, trying to catch up, but this time, there were no rapid fire questions. No lightning quick analyses of everything around her. The only thing going through her mind were three words, spoken by the one person she had always held out hope for, but never really believed would say them. It was like something Abed would run in the Dreamatorium.

That thought drew a slight gasp, so Annie did the only rational thing and pinched herself. Her eyes widened at the small flash of pain. "You…you really…?"

He sighed wearily and nodded. "Yeah. I do."

Annie wasn't sure how to react. A small part of her, one who, in her mind, was dressed as she was at the Tranny Dance their first year, wanted to run forward and throw herself into his arms, letting him spin her around while they kissed like it was some romantic movie. Another, larger part of her was just completely stunned because, while she had accepted how she felt and even had told him, Annie never really expected him to reciprocate. That part of her, which more resembled Annie as she was now, more mature and a little wiser, had really expected to lose him completely once she told him how she felt.

It was telling that she was more prepared for him to run than for him to say the words back.

"Okay," she said. "Okay. Okay. Okay."

"Annie?" Jeff asked gently. "Are you all right?"

"Okay."

"Are you actually okay, or are you just stuck on saying that word?"

"Okay."

"Right," Jeff sighed. "Stuck on saying that word. That's great. I finally say what I'm really feeling, and I break her. This would be why it's never okay to tell others how you feel."

Rachel cleared her throat. "To be fair, you did just kind of drop a bomb there."

"Thank you," Jeff bit out. "I hadn't realized that, She-Abed. I'm glad one of you is here to point out the obvious."

"I'm letting that go because I know you're stressed," Rachel said. "But, speaking of Abed, we've got…"

She was cut off by Annie's phone ringing with the Bee Gees' "Staying Alive." Annie stared blankly at the offending piece of technology in her hand before swiping the accept call button. "Hello?"

"_Hello, honey,"_ Abed's voice came through the earpiece. Only, it didn't sound right. It was more expressive, maybe even tinged a little with…was that madness? _"Did you miss me?"_

Annie frowned and put the phone on speaker. "Abed?"

"_So, you two finally had a breakthrough,"_ Abed said mockingly. _"Halle-freaking-lujah. Do you know how boring it was watching both of you act like the other was hot lava? SO BORING. And I hate boring. It's so…normal."_

"I'm missing something," Jeff said.

Abed cackled. _"Of course you are, Jeffrey. You're the Watson. The idiot."_

"Hey!"

"_It's nothing to be ashamed of," _Abed continued. _"Next to Annie, you're all idiots. That's why she needs me. To challenge her. To inspire her. To love her in a way you never could."_

Annie's eyes widened and met Jeff's. He mouthed 'What the hell,' to which she could only shrug in confusion. They both turned to Rachel, who was doing the Embarrassed Dog pose again, with her shoulders shaking slightly. "Abed," Annie said forcefully. "What's going on? You went to a lot of trouble to get Jeff and me to face our feelings for one another, so why would you say…that?"

More laughter. _"Oh, I admit, it's a bit cliché. But the look on your faces right now is completely worth it."_

All three snapped their heads around in opposite directions, trying to find Abed, but they only found an eerily empty campus. Not even the odd grounds keeper could be found. _"Please,"_ Abed sounded annoyed, even through Annie's cell phone. _"Like I would actually be there. This campus is littered with surprisingly high-end security cameras. There is no part of Greendale that I can't see. Even the locker rooms, and don't think I don't know what the Dean does with those feeds."_

Jeff groaned. "That's a visual I really didn't need."

"_Now that he mentions it, I agree with the sidekick," _Abed said, which drew another cry of indignation from Jeff_. "That is a disturbed individual, and that's saying something, coming from me."_

"Abed," Rachel spoke for the first time since the phone rang. Annie heard the tremor in her voice and her heart broke for the girl. "Please, you've got to stop…"

Abed cut her off with a buzzing sound. _"Sorry, Rach. Stopping is no fun. We started this roller coaster and now I'm seeing it through to the sudden, inevitable stop at the end."_

"Abed…" Annie began, but he cut her off, also.

"_Abed is boring. Abed is stuck in a world of pop culture references and emotions he doesn't understand." _He paused for a moment before adding,_ "And analogue clocks. He _really_ hates analogue clocks. But me, I am bigger, so much bigger, honey. I see the world beyond TV and movies. I get all those emotions Abed doesn't. Granted, I avoid most of them, but I do get them. I am so much _better_ than Abed. I'm even more than Evil Abed. I AM MORIABED."_

Jeff and Annie gaped at each other in stunned silence for a moment before they burst out laughing. They couldn't stop, even with Abed yelling from the phone, which Annie had dropped at some point. Every time one of them would begin to die off, the other would catch their eye and it would start again. Finally, with Abed's screams reaching pitches that none of them realized he was capable of, Jeff forced himself to calm down enough to say, "That is the most ridiculous thing you've ever said. You know that, right?"

There was a ringing silence on the other end of the phone. When Abed finally started speaking, Annie could hear the menace in his voice. _"I'm bored of you now, Jeffrey. I am about to say three words that will guarantee you disappear and leave this game to Annie and me, as it was meant to be. Three words, Jeffrey. That's all I need to make the love of your life look at you with revulsion."_

Annie couldn't help the curiosity that welled up. What could Abed possibly know that's worse than anything she already knew about Jeff? She was so curious, in fact, she really didn't register the part of Abed's monologue about her being the love of his life. Otherwise, Annie probably would have shut down again because that was a lot heavier than she was willing to deal with at the moment.

Jeff must not have been too worried, however, because he smirked at a nearby security camera and said, "Hit me."

"_Little Indian girl."_

The result was instantaneous. Annie watched as Jeff paled and froze up completely. His eyes darted all around, like a rabbit unsure of where to run. When they finally met hers, there was a terror and vulnerability there that took her breath away. Annie didn't think, didn't dwell on the uncertainty surrounding them and their mutual feelings. Instead, she charged forward and wrapped her arms around his waist in as fierce a hug as she had ever given him.

"Whatever it is, I don't care," she reassured him softly. Hopefully soft enough Abed couldn't overhear on the phone. "Unless you murdered a little Indian girl. In which case, I may have to reevaluate."

Her attempt at a joke was partially successful. He let out a shaky laugh and returned the hug, though it was nowhere near the intensity as hers. Annie glanced back at her phone, as if she could see Abed there, and shook her head. This was different, much different from anything he had ever done before. Sure, he wasn't trying to cut off Jeff's arm, but there was still a menace to this that wasn't there with 'Evil Abed.'

Usually, there was a trigger for him to act out. With the Claymation debacle, it was his mother skipping _Rudolph_. Evil Abed came about because Troy sacrificed himself to the A/C Repair School. Heck, the Lava World was also because of Troy leaving. When she took a step back and looked at it, it was obvious that he fell into these episodes because of abandonment. So, the question became, who had abandoned him this time?

First, though, the main concern was pulling him back from the edge. Jeff had done it, albeit unintentionally, during the Evil Abed incident. The Claymation thing was all of them together. Lava World was both Britta and Troy. Annie slid her eyes over to Rachel, who was bouncing on her feet and wringing the ends of the lab coat in her hands.

"_Are you two about done saying goodbye, yet?" _Abed called out. _"Because this is kind of boring. I HATE BEING BORED."_

Annie made a snap decision. "Jeff, don't say anything," she whispered. "Go get my laptop from my car and boot up Skype. He's the only saved contact. Call until you get a response. He's always got a hot spot going, just in case."

Jeff stiffened. "Annie…"

"No time," Annie said. "Just do this for me. And come find me when you get him."

He nodded. "How will I know where?"

"I don't think that will be an issue," Annie said softly. "Jeff…"

He dropped the hug and lightly touched her face with his fingers. She melted immediately. "We'll sort out Abed and then us," Jeff said.

Annie nodded and watched him turn to run off towards the parking lot. Abed hummed through the phone. _"Finally, just my two girls and I. The way the game was meant to be."_

"I am _not_ your girl, Abed," Annie bit out, then forced herself to take a deep breath. "Why are you doing this? What happened?"

"_Ah, ah, sexy," _Abed purred. _"Spoilers. You don't get to read ahead. Instead, you have to find me in the last place you'd think to look. Oh, and to make things interesting, you have, let's say, thirty minutes. Be seeing you."_

The cell phone went dead; Annie made sure after she picked it up from the ground. She then turned to Rachel, who was wide-eyed and absolutely terrified. "Come on, Rachel."

Annie spun on her heel and nearly ran across the quad. Rachel squeaked a little in surprise, but caught up quickly. "Where are we going?"

"The last place he thinks I would look," Annie said vaguely. She eyed the other girl out of the corner of her eyes. "Want to tell me what set him off?"

Rachel shook her head. "I really don't know. He, Britta, and I were planning the _Batman_ caper and he got a phone call. He excused himself for like thirty minutes and, when he came back, suggested _Sherlock_ instead. Then he went on a bender and watched all nine episodes multiple times over the course of the next day. Just said it was for research. I tried to get him to take a break, but he just kept watching. Annie, I…I'm a little scared."

Annie nodded her head but didn't respond. She didn't want to add to her fear if she could help it. Instead, she asked, "So, what was the _Batman_ idea?"

"We were going to do an homage of the movie," Rachel said with a shaky smile. "Abed was going to be the Riddler, I would be Catwoman, Britta was going to be the Penguin, and Chang was going to be the Joker. We would have left a series of riddles that would take you all over campus to places that had a great significance to the two of you. It would have been _Batman _meets _This is Your Life._"

"Awww," Annie let out involuntarily. She shook her head and caught Rachel's eye. "This doesn't mean I'm still not upset with you guys."

Rachel hung her head. "I know."

Annie nodded and looked forward. "But thank you."

"You're welcome," Rachel said a slight smile ghosting her mouth. It disappeared as quickly as it appeared and she began toying with her lab coat again. "Is he going to be all right?"

Annie thought about just reassuring her, but decided on honesty. "I hope so."

She led the way back into the library and into the study room. It had been obvious to her that this would be the last place most would look, since it would be the first place anyone would think to search for any of them and, thus, the last place any of them would hide if they didn't want to be found. It made sense to Annie, at least, which meant Abed, in doing that witch doctor thing of predicting her patterns, had assumed it also. It looked much like it had when Annie and Jeff had left not fifteen minutes earlier. Nothing had changed, save for the chalkboard, which had a new riddle in place.

"Your next clue lies where the wool was thickest," Rachel read. "You have thirty minutes."

"Are these the riddles you were planning out?" Annie asked absently. Her mind was spinning through possibilities. The first thing she landed on was the stables, but those had held horses and Starburns, not sheep.

Rachel waggled her hand. "You were supposed to go to the cafeteria first, where Britta was supposed to give you the clue sending you to the gym, I think. I was a little lost with this part, since I haven't really seen you and Jeff become y'know, _you and Jeff_, so I don't really know what the riddles are."

"Don't feel bad," Annie said. "You're not the only one lost with Jeff and I. Even knowing, I still don't really know what to do."

She refocused on the riddle. Wool. What the hell was woolly on this… "Oh."

"You've figured it out?"

Annie nodded, smirking slightly. "I hope you've laid out your outfit for tomorrow, because we're going to night school."

Rachel blinked at her in confusion. "What?"

"Never mind," Annie huffed out. "That would have been hilarious if Jeff was here."

That earned a small, if not pained, smile. "I'm sorry my boyfriend had a psychotic break with reality and sent your boyfriend away."

"At least he sent him away this time," Annie said with a shrug, deciding not to dignify the boyfriend comment. "Has he told you about the Darkest Timeline?"

Rachel was quiet for a moment before answering with, "I think Abed and I need to have a really long talk."

They walked hurriedly in silence to the building that housed the faux Professor Woolley's office. Annie counted off the doors until she reached the one she thought had been the right office, but it had been nearly three years, so her memory was a little fuzzy and it took them three tries to get the right one. Thankfully, it was easy to figure out, since all the equipment was right where she remembered it in her memory, which would have been surprising had they not been at Greendale. Even the dot matrix printers were still softly still going, printing out a line of something every few seconds.

She hadn't really expected Abed to be hanging out in 'Woolley's' musty office, but was still disappointed not to find him. Annie looked around for the next riddle, but nothing was obvious, like it had been in the study room. She shot Rachel a look, who nodded in understanding and started rifling through the file cabinets. Annie took the desk with the typewriter, though there was no paper in it. The sheets beside it were all related to the fake night school classes, so Annie was beginning to think no one but Abed had been in the room since Jeff, Garrity, and herself those many years ago.

Annie snapped to herself and crossed over to the printer and ripped off a sheet. It consisted of one line, repeated over and over. She cleared her throat to get Rachel's attention and held up the page. "Go where you and Jeff showed each other some Faith. You have thirty minutes."

Rachel began rubbing her temples. "Remind me never to agree to a _Batman_ or _Sherlock _ homage again."

"Agreed," Annie said darkly. "How many more clues are there?"

Rachel frowned in thought. "I don't really know. Like I said, I kind of checked out on this part. I think the end game was outside the student center. Abed and Britta both assured me it was the site of the most important Jannie moment."

"_Jannie?_" Annie asked, not bothering to hide her disgust.

"We started using shorthand for you guys after a while," Rachel said unapologetically. "Saying Jeff and Annie over and over again got repetitious."

"Please just don't let that become a thing if we actually do get together," Annie pleaded.

Rachel raised an eyebrow. "You don't think you will?"

"It's complicated," Annie said. She recognized the irony of the statement, but, unfortunately, didn't have the appropriate audience to appreciate it. Instead, she let out a harsh breath and said, "So, if the Tranny Dance was the end game, then we're skipping to that point. I'm not following Abed's breadcrumbs all afternoon."

Not five minutes later, the two were approaching the student center cautiously. This had been where they were supposed to go, at least generally. The 'show faith' comment was an obvious reference to the student body president debacle, though Annie wasn't sure if that meant the literal showing Jeff's _Real World_ audition video, or the closet where they made up afterward. Annie thought it was maybe the closet, though only Pierce and Troy had known they were in there, with Pierce the only one who had overheard at least part of the conversation. In fact, Annie had only ever really discussed the entire incident in her…

"Unbelievable," Annie exclaimed and whirled on Rachel. "Did you know Abed was reading my diary?"

She was satisfied to see the other girl flinch. "Uh, yeah. Sorry."

Anger bubbled up quickly and, because he could probably see her, Annie's phone started chirping out the Bee Gees. She didn't even look at the ID before answering with a terse, "We have talked about you invading my privacy multiple times, mister."

"_I wondered how long it would take before you figured out the diary connection,"_ Abed said, with no trace of shame in his voice. _"Took you about fifteen minutes longer than I anticipated. I am disappoint, Annie."_

"Oh, I let you down," she shot back. "Why don't you tell me where you are, so I can apologize to your face."

Abed chuckled. _"You haven't finished playing the game yet."_

"Screw the game, Abed," Annie said forcefully. "I don't want to play."

"_You don't really get the choice," _Abed retorted. _"You play until you fall. And in the end, we all fall."_

Okay, that was incredibly melancholy sounding. She muted the phone and turned to Rachel. "He just mentioned falling multiple times. Does that mean something to you?"

Rachel's eyes narrowed in thought for a half a second before she let out a gasp of recognition. Her head snapped upwards, which was followed by a strangled cry. Annie followed her gaze and sucked in a breath as she saw Abed, clad in a light grey suit, standing on the edge of the roof. He was looking down at them with a manic gleam in his eyes and a creepy smile on his face. He had a tablet in his right hand that Annie would have bet Pierce's tiara had been tapped into the campus security system.

"Abed, what are you doing?" Rachel shouted. It was a little unnecessary, since the student center was only one story.

"Waiting for Annie to join me," he said. He picked up his right foot and leaned forward slightly. "You're right, Annie. The game was getting too boring. Let's skip to the end. Why don't you come up here and we can finish this?"

"I'm comfortable down here, thanks," Annie said back, folding her arms across the Greendale logo on her blue tank top defiantly.

"THAT IS NOT HOW THE GAME IS PLAYED," he shouted. His voice echoed creepily thanks to the buildings on either side. "You join me on the roof. We face off and see who wins. Maybe you need a little incentive. That's how this goes, right? You play the stoic hero, refusing to play along with the villain. That is, until someone you care about is threatened. So, honey, who will it be? The lover was sent away, so he's safe. That leaves the sister or new charity case. The choice is up to you, Annie. Join me, or find out what happens to one of them when you don't."

Indecision washed over her. She was pretty certain he was referring to Britta and Ben, especially since she hadn't been able to get a hold of either one of them at all. Normally, Annie would just assume that Abed was bluffing, as the man she had known for nearly six years now was incapable of doing what he not-so-vaguely insinuated. On the other hand, Abed was in the midst of a break from reality that dwarfed all of his others. Could she take that chance with her friends?

The decision was easy, really. She nodded to Rachel, who shook her head quickly in protest, and made for the side of the building, where a maintenance ladder was attached, with the security gate already open from Abed's earlier climb up. In moments, she was on the roof of the cafeteria, Abed grinning wildly as she slowly made her way over.

Annie stopped a few feet away and called, "What happened, Abed? What set you off?"

"Life, Annie," Abed gestured to the sky. "Life set me off. Look at them from up here. All the people scurrying from building to building, like ants. Ants, Annie. Mindless, little drones with nothing better to do than carry out their mindless, little tasks until something bigger squashes the life from them. But you and I, we were meant for so, so much more than that, honey. We see. We know. And, with what we know, we can rule."

"Now you're just mixing your references," Annie said. She didn't bother pointing out that there were no other people visible on the campus. She had a sneaking suspicion that, at this point, Abed didn't really care.

Abed shrugged. "Maybe. Maybe I'm not making a reference. Maybe I'm making an offer."

Annie rolled her eyes. "I'm not dignifying that. Abed, please, I just want to help. So does Rachel. Just…what triggered this?"

"I know," Jeff's voice carried up to her. Annie and Abed's heads both whipped around and down to where Jeff had appeared next to Rachel, who was reading what looked like the actual Greendale newspaper and not the campus one, which wasn't printed during the summer. Annie frowned at the look on Jeff's face, which was incredibly sad and soft as he looked up at Abed and Abed alone. "Abed, why didn't you say something? We're your friends."

Abed growled. "I don't know what you're talking about, Jeffrey. And weren't you supposed to disappear, else I start revealing things?"

"That's the thing, Abed," Jeff said. "Normally, yeah, I'd be terrified of you telling that story. A story I shared in complete confidence, with explicit instructions of keeping under a tight, heavy lid. But, Abed, when you care for someone enough, you find a way to push through your own embarrassment or discomfort if it means being there for them when they need it most. And, right now, you need us all. I know about…"

"SHUT UP," Abed roared. His left foot slipped on the edge of the building and he pitched forward, but Annie crossed the distance in what had to be a land-speed record and she was able to grab his torso and heave backwards as hard as she could. They toppled to the ground, Abed landing hard on top of her and forcing her to let out a cry of surprise.

"Annie," Jeff called frantically. "Annie, are you okay? Annie!"

She shoved Abed off of her and called out, her voice a little croaky, "I'm okay. Abed just landed on me. Jeff, what's going on?"

Before he could answer, the tablet that Abed had been holding starting ringing with what she belatedly recognized as the Skype sound. Abed had curled into a ball after she had shoved him off of her and wasn't reacting, so Annie reached across him to retrieve the device and answer the call. She smiled as she was greeted by Troy's very worried face.

"_Annie, where is he?" _Troy asked.

She turned the tablet to point the camera at Abed. "Right here." Cautiously, she reached down and began stroking Abed's hair soothingly. "Abed? Abed, it's Troy."

"Troy?" Abed moaned and it was, probably the saddest and greatest thing Annie had ever heard because it was Abed speaking and not whatever the hell he had become. "What…?"

"_Abed, I am so sorry," _Troy said. _"Jeff told me about your dad. Abed, talk to me. Are you…why are you wearing a suit on a roof? Are you playing rooftop formal-wear tag without me?"_

Abed just shook his head and curled back up into a ball. Annie looked at the screen in confusion and with not an insignificant amount of dread. "What about his dad?"

"_He had a heart attack," _Troy said, immediately dropping the brief bit of absurdity he had exhibited. He was plainly close to tears but, uncharacteristically, was holding them back. _"Right there in the falafel shop. He…he didn't make it."_

At that, Troy did start crying, which caused Annie's unspilled tears to start falling. She continued stroking Abed's hair, however, right up until she felt another presence join them. Rachel crouched down on the other side and Annie saw the tears streaming down her face, as well. Lightly, Rachel stroked Abed's face and whispered something to him, which caused a sob to wrack his body. Annie was a little astonished at the strength of the girl as Rachel practically manhandled him from his fetal position on the roof into her lap. A second later, Jeff's warmth pressed in closely to Annie from behind, wrapping an arm around her in as much of a hug as they could manage, given their positions.

She didn't know how long they stayed like that, clumped together in one, big, heartbroken tangle of limbs and wireless cameras. Finally, Troy blew his nose and said, _"I don't know how much longer…keep this connect...hot spot is dying. LeVar…making port in a couple of days, …call back then and you can tell me what, exactly, you all are doing on a roof and when Jeff started treating Annie like a teddy bear instead of just looking at her like one. Annie, Rachel, please, take care of him."_

Rachel was unable to speak, so Annie turned the camera to herself and gave him a weak smile. "Of course. And Troy? Thanks."

He gave her a weak smile and the connection suddenly ended just as he was about to say something in return. Silence came over them for a while, save for the collective sounds of their sniffles and occasional gasps for breath. Finally, Abed said, weakly, "I'm sorry. Britta and Chang were never even here today."

Annie nodded and met Rachel's eyes as the two let out simultaneous breaths. Abed raised his head a little and looked at his girlfriend. "I may need some help."

"We'll get it for you," Rachel promised, enveloping him in a hug. "We'll get it for you."

* * *

><p>AN 2: So, yeah. That...uh...that was, well. Yeah. Don't ask, I don't know where the hell that came from. I will be perfectly honest, my plotting style is less 'giant white board with plot points planned out' and more 'I have a vague idea but wait until I start writing and let the plot come out of my fingers and brain.' The arc started with Abed doing a 1960s Batman homage to get Jannie to happen and became what you see here.

Obviously, I have some issues.

Hopefully, there were some parts you all, the wonderful readers (and y'all are awesome, even if you hate this), found funny to help balance everything out. We'll get a little fluffier on the next two chapters, I promise. Including a much-needed talk between Jeff and Annie that puts a bow on the first arc. And a Chang cameo.

Until next week, dear readers.


	4. Dual Cardiovascular Public Speaking

An hour and one awkward conversation with the Dean later, Annie was sitting in a booth in the empty cafeteria, staring into a can of PC Cola as if it would deliver the meaning of the universe. She was so engrossed that she didn't notice Jeff had joined her until he loudly cleared his throat, which caused her to jump and spill her drink on her t-shirt.

"Sorry," he said with a grimace.

Annie waved him off. "It's okay. I was just…this has been a hell of a day."

"Obviously," Jeff agreed. "You actually almost cursed there."

"I felt it was warranted," she said primly. "After all, it's not every day that you get called into a faked crime scene, receive a declaration of love, however reluctant, and then witness one of your best friends have a complete mental breakdown after finding out his father had died."

Jeff nodded solemnly. "That is a lot, even for this place. And it wasn't reluctant."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Really? What would you call it?"

"Cautiously optimistic," he said after a moment's thought.

Annie let out a burst of laughter. "If that's your definition of 'optimistic,' I don't think that word means what you think it means."

"Hey, I was putting myself on the line there," Jeff protested. "I held out hope that you wouldn't punch me. Again. And did you just _Princess Bride_ me?"

"Maybe," she shrugged lightly. Annie felt his eyes on her and slowly let herself meet his gaze. It was as intense as she was afraid it would be and she felt in danger of falling so deeply in that she would never find her way back out. A part of her was certain she didn't want to.

They sat like that for what seemed like months before she licked her lips and his eyes flicked down and broke the spell. He sighed and leaned back in the booth. "So, what do we do now?"

"We go slow," Annie said resolutely. "We take our time, we figure out what we are, and we see if we can be more. But, Jeff, you have to admit there's a lot we have to work through. Your hang ups about us haven't just vanished, right?"

Jeff looked like he was about to protest, but she gave him a sharp look and he slumped down. "No," he admitted. "But, I am willing to try to deal with them."

She nodded. "And I have my reservations to deal with, also."

"Like what?" he asked. He didn't sound angry, but genuinely curious, which, Annie decided, was a very good sign.

"Well," she hedged, gathering her thoughts. "You have denied anything was between us for so long, that it seems like this," she gestured vaguely between them, "kind of came out of nowhere. What changed?"

He nodded and cast his gaze to the counter top while he spun his phone around with a finger. Annie could see the war in his thoughts playing out on his face. When he finally did speak, it wasn't to her face and almost too quiet to hear. "The lab."

"I thought you said I misread things down there," Annie said. Internally, she thought, _You mean the lab where you and Britta had declared your intent to marry, however ridiculous it might seem? Where you seemed perfectly willing to run away together and forget us? Me? Is that lab you're talking about?_ The bitterness of those thoughts shocked her, because Annie had sworn to herself that she had let that go after Abed had explained what they were doing.

"Someone punched me before I could fully explain," Jeff mumbled. He cleared his throat and looked up at her, eyes tight with varying emotions. "Your speech down there, in particular, may have forced me to realize a few things both about how you felt and about what I really felt."

"May have?" Annie challenged and, yes, she was being a little difficult on purpose. At least she could admit it.

"I opened the door because of you," Jeff bit out in frustration. He looked sick immediately afterward, but didn't bolt or try to take it back, to his great credit. "It wasn't Greendale, or scotch, or my abs like Britta thinks. It wasn't even what I feel about all three of you. I got the burst of passion to reboot that demented computer science professor's creepy love-bot by thinking of you."

Annie stared in shock before saying the only thing that came to mind. "Oh."

"Yeah."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"I just…"

Jeff rolled his eyes. "Trust me, I'm there with you."

"Jeff," Annie stopped and worked her mouth silently. Finally, she was able to get out, "That's…that's…"

"Overwhelming," he finished. "I'm well aware. That's why I wasn't going to say anything for a very long time. It's not exactly the kind of thing you bring up in casual conversation. 'Oh, hey, how's it going? Classes good? By the way, I saved Greendale with my love for you.' It's the kind of crap Abed would rip apart in a movie."

That brought both of them up short. Annie fidgeted with the soda can for a moment before asking, "Did you get in contact with the others or should I?"

"I called Britta and gave her the bare details," he said heavily. "And made her promise not to bust in on his therapy sessions with the doctor I set him up with. I figure we give Shirley a call here in a bit and see if we can get together with them either tonight or tomorrow and give them the full details. Is Rachel okay?"

"She's pretty shaken," Annie said. "But she drove him to the doctor's office and seemed determined to help him. I don't think that she's going anywhere. That was really great of the doctor to fit him in on a Saturday, by the way."

Jeff waved it off. "Doctor Sandoval is good. She can help him, if he'll let her. He's not…that is, do you know if he's...?"

"Rachel said she's going to make him stay with her," Annie said. She wasn't going to admit it out loud, but she really was not ready to be in the apartment alone with Abed quite yet. Which left her feeling like the worst friend ever. "At least for the next several days. And his aunt is handling the funeral arrangements. I guess everyone just assumed that Abed wouldn't be up to it."

Jeff made a face. "He kind of proved them right, didn't he?"

"Jeff," Annie admonished, but it was half-hearted and both knew it. Left unsure of what to say, she took a big sip of the soda and grimaced.

"Flat?" Jeff asked.

"A little," she admitted. A slow smile spread on her face and she added, "Do you think you could use your love for me on the vending machine to get a different one?"

Jeff groaned. "I knew telling you was a mistake. You're not going to let me live this down, are you?"

"Of course not," Annie said gleefully. "This is good for two, three years easily."

"Annie, I don't beg," he said as he leaned forward on his elbows. "Jeff Winger is much too cool to beg. So, I am asking, with a touch of desperation, for you to keep a tight, heavy lid on that."

Annie fought back giggles even as she raised her right hand. "Tight, heavy lid."

He glared. "I'm serious. Tight. Heavy. Lid."

"Absolutely," she said with as much seriousness and she could muster. "But what if my car battery dies and I need someone to help jump-start it?"

"Annie," he growled.

She held her hands up in defeat, though she couldn't stop the happy little bounce she did in the booth. For the first time in a very long time, and despite the heaviness of the day's events, she felt like things with her and Jeff were going to work out. Still, she did have one lingering question. "Jeff?"

"What?" he asked resignedly.

"What's the little Indian girl story?"

He opened his mouth a couple of times before snapping it shut. Thankfully for Jeff, he was saved from answering by Chang running into the cafeteria clad in a purple, pin-striped suit, green shirt, orange tie, spats, and a green wig two sizes too small to contain his Chang-hair. His face had been heavily coated in white make-up, with red paint applied to his lips by what appeared to be someone with a horrible tremor in his hands.

Annie did a double take and stammered out, "B-Ben?"

"Nope," the math teacher said proudly. "Ben Chang is dead. You can call me…THE CHANG-ER. And…"

"Stop," Jeff's voice rang out, his hand doing that zipping motion that Annie was fairly certain he did unconsciously now. "We've already had one ham-fisted villain name reveal today and don't need another."

Ben halted his monologue in mid-sentence and took the two of them in, his face scrunching together in deep thought before disappointment washed over it. "Aw, man. I missed it, didn't I?"

"I'll say," Jeff muttered, still staring in shock at the other man's outfit.

"Ben," Annie said as she stood from the booth and wrapped the smaller man in a hug. "Jeff and I worked it out. Or are working it out, anyway. I know you were supposed to help, so thank you."

"No problem, Annie," Ben grinned, and it was completely creepy with the Joker make-up on, but Annie didn't want to say anything to spoil the moment. She shot Jeff a look to keep him from saying something, but was happy to see he was just slack-jawed at the sight. Ben pointed at his eyes and then at Jeff. "I've got my eyes on you Winger, so don't hurt her. I'm everywhere. Every. Where."

The duo watched as Ben backed out of the cafeteria, doing the eye point motion the entire time. Annie nearly lost it when he tripped over a trashcan, but kept the grin off her face until he could be heard laughing down the hallway. Jeff was standing just behind her and rolled his eyes. "Are we going to have to watch that? Because Chang as the Joker makes a terrifying amount of sense."

Annie bit her lip. "I don't think so. You know Ben just wants friends, so being asked by Abed to help with this probably made his month. I do feel bad we didn't tell him about…y'know, though."

"Let's tell Shirley and Britta everything first," Jeff said. "Then we'll look at expanding the circle if, and only if, Abed wants us to. Seems only fair."

Annie wanted to disagree, because Ben was their friend, but she decided Jeff was right. It wasn't their place to spread Abed's breakdown around. She glanced back up to Jeff to verbalize her agreement, but found him watching her with a bit of confusion on his face. "What?"

"When did you start calling him 'Ben?'" he asked. "And hugging him?"

"Oh," Annie blinked in surprise. She hadn't really thought of the switch in her mind from 'Chang' to 'Ben.' "Uh, recently."

Jeff raised an eyebrow. "In the interest of starting this thing between us off on the right foot, I'm going to have to ask for full-disclosure."

"Really?" Annie asked, matching his expression and posture. "I'll make you a deal, I'll tell you about Ben and me, and you tell me about the little Indian girl."

The way his jaw twitched made Annie smile, since she had an idea of what was coming in three, two … "Okay," he said. "Here's the thing."

Predictably, Jeff spun on his heel and stalked out the back exit of the student lounge. Annie's smile went to a full-on beam as she followed a few seconds later, the first few bars of 'Daybreak' trailing her out of the student center.

* * *

><p>AN: Not near as long as the last one, but really putting a bow on the first arc. Think of this as the denouement and a much needed breather after the emotional trauma *someone* wrought upon our beleaguered band last chapter.

Whomever did that is a right bastard. And had access to a thesaurus just now. An actual, honest-to-goodness thesaurus and not a website. I forgot I had the thing.

Anyway, shippersgonnaship recommended I put character tags on this, which I did, though I will say that I plan on this being a true ensemble piece, as you'll see in the next installment, which is both a standalone and a bit of a tie-in to the first arc. So the character tags don't necessarily reflect who all will have the most to do with the story, which you'll see in the next arc. Of which I'm well into and, can I just say, writing Shirley is a pain in the asterisk because I already used up my Precision F-Strike in the last chapter.

I'm also stubborn and refuse to say screw it and rewrite it, because, darn it, she deserves some spotlight, as well. (Cue "That's nice.") Especially since the whole, "Andre absconded with my DVR andohyeahmykids" thing was just dropped like a bad habit last season.

...

Dammit, I just realized the next arc is a fix fic. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I happily admit I have spent time going through TV Tropes Harry Potter Peggy Sue Fan Fic recs. However, I will solemnly swear that there will be no Peggy Sueing.

Though that does give me an idea for a Dreamatorium 'episode.' I told you all that I plot by the seat of my pants.

This author's note is at risk of becoming as long as the chapter, so I should probably just hit submit.

Until the wee hours of next Wednesday morning (U.S. CST), dear readers!


	5. Background Sociology

Dr. Ian Duncan took three steps into the cafeteria and knew something was different.

It wasn't anything glaring; he wouldn't be thrown off it had been completely in his face, like that time he found the Dean in the study room over three years earlier play acting like he was Winger's study group. Specifically young, Miss Edison. It was more than a little creepy, as well as frighteningly accurate, and Duncan decided to forgo offering his assistance as a licensed psychologist. There were some lines even he refused to cross, despite the fact Duncan was relatively certain he could have paid for his first yacht just with the initial run of _The Pelton Sessions_. Working title only, of course.

That incident had been fairly normal for both the Dean and Greendale, so Duncan was able to shrug it off. If he were to be honest with anyone (and, as a psychology professional, it was his prerogative not to be) he had missed the craziness that came with good ol' GCC. After all, where else could a teacher have taught an obviously made-up class like Anthropology half-blind drunk and still receive kudos from the administration for stepping in when the assigned teacher nearly killed a student after drinking her own urine?

_God, that sentence, alone, is why I love this place,_ Duncan thought to himself with a snort.

At the moment, though, something felt off. He had returned to England for only three weeks this time, ostensibly for a research trip for a scholastic paper. At least, that's how he pitched it to the Dean after strongly hinting that he was still suffering ill effects from being electrocuted in the effort to save Greendale from that franchise sandwich shop. The Dean was surprisingly accommodating after bringing that up.

When he left for the Motherland, most everything was fairly normal. Britta was still trying to be a psychologist, to varying results, and still ridiculously hot. Shirley was still running the sandwich shop in the cafeteria and brought every conversation around to her three kids, which meant Duncan tuned her out after about thirty seconds on the average. Abed was dating a female clone, though one just a skosh less socially dysfunctional than the original. Magnitude continued to be, probably, the most awesome person on the campus.

And then there was Winger and little Miss Annie Edison. Actually, after watching Winger pine after Annie for years without realizing that's what he was bloody well doing, and his subsequent revelation in that ridiculous laboratory, Duncan was more than a little over the whole Jeff and Annie of It All. Even if they were currently having what appeared to be an intimate lunch with one another.

Wait. Rewind that.

Yes, that was, indeed, Winger in a booth with Annie Edison. And that was definitely a lunch date.

Duncan let his eyes scan the rest of the cafeteria, taking in the scene really for the first time. It was a Monday in July, so it wasn't exactly overflowing with students, but there were a smattering around. Most notably, Britta and Female-Abed were sitting at another booth, well away from Winger and Annie and with no sign of Abed-Abed. Britta seemed to be attempting to ignore the couple on the other side of the room, but was failing miserably. Female-Abed just seemed miserable.

_Interesting,_ he thought. Duncan had several options available to him. He could just go ask any of the people involved what he had missed, but they would inevitably tell him to shove it without giving him real answers. That group tended to be a little…harsh to outsiders. He could also hit up Shirley, who was behind the counter of her shop and watching both sets of her friends with alternating judgmental and pitying looks. While he was pretty sure he could get her to talk, since she was Greendale's premier rumor monger, if not theoretically retired, Duncan wasn't sure, exactly, how to broach the subject without falling asleep after a few seconds, because of the "I have three kids" aspect of her life.

That left the Greendale gossip vine.

It never once occurred to him to drop it and let his friends come to him and explain what was going on in their lives. Or that they all considered him part of 'that group.'

Duncan retreated from the cafeteria before anyone noticed he was there. He had taken note that the one person he knew who would know the whole story wasn't there, so it was up to Duncan to track him down. Unfortunately, no one could predict where, exactly, his contact would be, so he was off to the man with the hook-up on campus.

How Duncan detested needing Starburns for anything.

Fortunately, because he is addicted to attention, it was fairly easy to locate Greendale's foremost drug dealer. He was holding court on the quad not far from the library. And, by court, Duncan meant peddling his wares, since this was Greendale and no one really cared that Starburns was selling drugs right in the middle of a weekday in broad daylight. Duncan waited until after the last customer (Paradox, if his memory was correct) walked away before approaching.

Starburns didn't look up from his comically large wad of money until Duncan was forced to clear his throat. "Professor Duncan, uh, how nice to see you," Starburns said. His eyes started darting around, looking for an escape, but Duncan rolled his eyes and held his hands up.

"Starburns, we both know I really don't care what you're doing," Duncan said. "Especially since you know where to find the really good Absinthe that the Colonies that allowed me to have a long discussion with the ghost of Jim Belushi's career. In this instance, however, I'm looking for someone and you know everyone."

Flattery was always the best way to get what you wanted with Starburns. "Who're you looking for?"

"Ideally, the Hipsters," Duncan said. "But, since they don't normally emerge from their cocoons until around sundown, I doubt they're around. So, I'll settle for Quendra. That's with a…"

"Q-U, yeah, dude, I know," Starburns said with a creepy little smile that made Duncan's stomach churn. "Everybody knows Quendra. What do you need her for?"

Duncan shrugged lightly. "I may require some information."

Starburns eyed him with more than a little interest. "This about Abed?"

"Perhaps," Duncan said vaguely.

"I'd be interested to know the story, myself," Starburns said slowly. "Because, way I hear it, he took something high-end and tried to fly off the football field. I know I didn't sell to him or his girlfriend, so I need to know if someone's muscling in on my territory. You know what I mean, Professor?"

Duncan couldn't help the eye roll. "Yes, I'm well aware you were referring to your drug business, considering you literally just admitted right before that to selling said drugs, Starburns. Also, it may help your intimidation technique a bit if you were to _actually _have something to threaten me over. And to not wear a top hat."

"Hey, ladies love the top hat," Starburns protested.

"I'm sure they do," Duncan said, though he made sure his tone left no misunderstanding of his intent. "However, I can't take you seriously threatening my life when I feel like you're about to break into a song about the importance of banks in Victorian London."

Starburns glared. "Aren't you and Winger joined at the hip? Why not just ask him?"

"Starburns, have you ever tried to get a straight answer out of Jeff Winger?" Duncan asked. "You'll have an easier time getting Pelton to admit that _wasn't_ his sister's Uncle Sam outfit."

"Fine," Starburns huffed. "Last I knew, Quendra was in the P.E. building. Takes Pilates or something. If you find out someone's trying to move in on Greendale…"

"You'll most likely be the first email I think about sending out," Duncan said. Leaving Starburns behind was fairly cathartic, he found, so his long journey from the New Library to the P.E. Building was quite pleasant in the sunshine of Colorado that looked suspiciously like an out-of-place version of California. It never even properly snowed here, despite the blizzards that regularly rocked the rest of the state.

The walk only took about five minutes, maybe, so Duncan quickly found himself pushing his way into the P.E. Building, where the combined stench of sweat and chlorine from the pool hit him like a truck. Then backed up and hit him again, just to be sure. Then the driver jumped out and tossed his dead body in the lorry. It was quite repugnant and a sure sign that the custodial staff was on strike, yet again. The last time they had done so was after the second paintball war, which would have been right after he made his hasty retreat after nearly getting busted not-teaching Anthropology to deal with his 'sick' mother.

Duncan looked in the small gym area first to see if he could find the Pilates class Starburns had mentioned, but only found Garrett doing something with the rope in the corner while a very busty co-ed was shouting instructions at him. Duncan was mildly curious, and uncomfortably aroused, at the scene, but pushed it off for later. He had a mission to accomplish first. It sounded very James Bond in his head.

He followed the hallway until he found a class in session in a smaller room that was littered with disgustingly painted decorative plates. An old woman, who looked like she had seen the First World War much less the Second, was droning on about the various items in the room. Duncan saw Quendra sitting front and center, listening with rapt attention and a quickly moving pen as if she were Annie Edison. And suddenly, Starburns' directions made more sense.

Not Pilates. A class about plates. Much more Greendale.

Glancing at his watch, Duncan decided to wait out in the hall, since looking like a creepy stalker was much more preferable than sitting through the History of Plates. Finally, the bell rang signaling the end of class and the fifteen students filed out buzzing about the excellent lesson they had just sat through. Seriously, fifteen people found the description of this class fascinating enough to sign-up for. Duncan idly wondered if he could convince any of them to come by his office for private sessions about their obvious obsessions over decorative dinnerware.

There might be a vacation home in it to somewhere that actually snows, if he played his cards right.

Quendra was the last out of the room, save for the professor, whom Duncan wasn't entirely sure ever left. She was looking quite adorable in her little white skirt and pink _Save Garrett_ shirt. She eyed Duncan wearily, though, as she stepped into the hallway. "Professor, I told you I'm not interested in helping you discover a new Duncan Principal that may be in your pants."

"I did say that once, didn't I?" Duncan said after a moment of reflection. There had been a lot of vodka that day, and it hadn't been on the top shelf, either. "I'm not here for that, my dear Quendra. I'm actually looking for information and you, my gossipy little strumpet, can be a big help."

She raised an eyebrow and tapped a well-manicured finger on her teeth. "What kind of information? Because if it's something illegal, Leonard…"

"It's nothing illegal," Duncan reassured her. "And I would really rather not have to deal with Leonard and the other Hipsters, if possible. Besides, aren't you just as well-connected, what with being the Greendale Gazette-Journal-Mirror's resident, non-bitchy Rita Skeeter?"

"Well, I wouldn't say that, exactly," Quendra said, though she was positively glowing from the compliment. It was true; she was _the_ gossip columnist for the campus newspaper, as they had re-merged after the Ass Crack Bandit case after realizing that it was ridiculous Greendale had a newspaper, much less two. Duncan had even spent part of his walk over researching fictional gossip columnists that she was likely to have heard of, just to really inflate the ego. "What were you wondering about, Professor?"

"Apparently, there was an incident recently with one Abed Nadir," Duncan began, but she immediately cut him off.

"I don't know anything about that," she said seriously as he had ever heard the girl be.

He cocked his head and said, "The way you interrupted seems to suggest otherwise, Quendra."

"Right," she said, fiddling nervously with her watch. "Um, let me say it this way. Out of respect for Rachel, who was my roommate first year, I don't know anything about him kidnapping a bunch of girls to make into his love slaves and then threatening to blow up the campus to prevent some robot war."

"Why am I doing this sober?" Duncan sighed. "You realize how ridiculous that sounds, right? You just made Starburns sound rational. Think on that for a moment, Quendra, and be ashamed."

"My sources were very clear that that's what happened," Quendra said defensively, but then made a face. "Um, not that I know what you're talking about."

Duncan raised an eyebrow. "Were your sources in the Anime Club?"

"I don't see what that has to do with anything," Quendra replied. "But, if you want another opinion, Neil might know something. They do that role-playing thing in the library on Sundays. He should be in the radio station. Or, y'know, you could talk to Professor Winger. Isn't he, like, your bestie?"

"Neil it is," Duncan said, ignoring the last part. "Thank you, Quendra with a Q-U. And, in the effort of paying it back, it might interest the Gazette-Journal-Mirror to know that there may be a new drug ring moving on to campus."

"Aww," Quendra said with wide, Disney eyes. "Starburns is going to be so sad."

"Yes, the true tragedy of the day," Duncan said. He did his best to hide his grin until he was back out in the sunshine and walking towards the campus student center, which is where the radio station operated out of. At least, he thought it was, since it wasn't exactly the most promoted thing on campus. The foosball table was mentioned in more materials than the campus radio station.

The station, creatively named KGCC, was open and relatively easy to find, located in the entrance hall as you walked towards the cafeteria. Duncan had never noticed it before, though that was probably because it sat dark ninety percent of the time. And, sitting in the booth like Quendra had promised, was the one and only 'Real' Neil, himself. Playing 'Daybreak,' because of course he was.

Duncan tapped on the glass, which drew a sharp look, followed by a resigned one, from Neil before he waved him in. Duncan didn't have a chance to say anything in greeting before Neil said, "I don't know anything about Abed."

"And how did you know that I was going to ask about Abed?" Duncan asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Quendra texted me," Neil said, holding up a cell phone. "All I know is that his dad died and he withdrew from classes the rest of the summer."

Duncan nodded but said nothing. A tiny wave of guilt rolled over him, as he realized he hadn't heard anything about Abed's father. He brushed that aside and said, "I heard that he tried to take a header off the football field."

Neil gave him a hard look. "That is a vicious rumor started by Starburns. Look, professor, I really don't know what's going on. All I got was a text from him saying he wouldn't be coming to our Dungeons and Dragons sessions for a while. Don't you hang around Jeff? Couldn't he tell you? And maybe relay that message back to me because, I have to say, there are enough rumors out there that I am a little worried."

Duncan leaned back against the door frame. "Like what? I've been in England for the last few weeks. I'm out of the loop."

"Well," Neil said slowly. "The one that's been going around the most is that he snapped and killed the Human Being. Its total crap, but some of the security guys swear they saw the costume all ripped and bloodied in their study room."

"Bollocks," Duncan sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. "I really do have to talk to Winger, don't I? I'll let you know if I find out anything if you do me a very big favor."

"Anything, man," Neil promised. "Abed is the best Dungeon Master I've ever had. Except for names. He's crap with names."

"Well, there's a shock," Duncan muttered. He squared on Neil and said, "Please, for the love of all that's holy, stop playing 'Daybreak.' There are literally millions of other songs to choose from. Pick one."

"It's our most requested," Neil said defensively.

Duncan considered that for a moment. "Troy and Abed are the only two who call in for requests, aren't they?"

"We don't exactly have a phone number," Neil said. "They hold up signs in the window."

Because of course they do. "Thanks, Neil. Tell…that girl you were dating hi for me."

Neil smirked. "You mean Vicky? You know we're engaged, right?"

"Well, isn't that the dog's biscuit?" Duncan said as he pulled open the door and left before he could get dragged into that particular conversation. A quick check of the cafeteria told him that Winger and Annie were both gone. Annie he didn't really care to know her schedule, but this was generally the time Winger had office hours. Of course, by 'office hours,' that meant 'play around on his phone for two hours.'

Duncan entered the building that held the Criminology and Law Departments, which, in all honesty, was Hickey and Winger, respectively. Though, with Hickey visiting his son and son-in-law for the summer, he wondered who the Criminology Department was. Before he could climb the first set of stairs leading to Winger's office, however, the smell of Ben-gay over powered him. Apprehensively, Duncan turned and saw five elderly people blocking the hallway, one of which with a walker. At the point, and looking ridiculous in a bright yellow t-shirt and board shorts, was one Leonard Rodriguez, the most connected man on campus.

"I hear you've been looking for me, Limey," Leonard said, his voice raspy as always.

Duncan scoffed. "Oh, that's right. I'm English, so, naturally, the way to really wound me is to call me Limey. Because that didn't at all cease to be an_ actual_ insult in the 1800s."

Leonard chuckled, which seemed to set off a cascade of mocking laughter from his fellow Hipsters. "I'm assuming this is about the Abed kid. I can tell you what you want to know. For a price, of course."

"Actually, I don't need your help," Duncan said. "So you lot can move along and, I don't know, reminisce about the advent of the steam engine or something."

Leonard just smirked. "You won't get what you need from Winger. We both know that. Only I've got the goods, Limey."

Duncan rolled his eyes. "Oh, shut up, Leonard. I know about your spastic colon."

"Touché," Leonard said with a grimace. He turned to his posse, and Duncan felt more than a little ridiculous referring to them as such, even internally, and said, "Let's roll. The Dean should be leaving for his afternoon walk around campus in fifteen minutes."

Duncan watched as the Hipsters shuffled back down the hall way, suddenly baffled at how they had managed to sneak up on him to begin with. One of them is using a walker, for the love of god. He shook his head and sighed before turning back to the stairs, but he couldn't bring himself to climb them. Something very much like a conscience that sounded, oddly, like Britta Perry was yelling at him that whatever had happened was not his business and that he shouldn't act like the oppressors of human dignity in Bora Bora. This, really, made no sense and just served to prove that she really was the worst, even if it was in his head.

Duncan let out a huff and left the building without seeking out Winger. The sun was still high in the sky, so he decided to take the long way back to the cafeteria, where he felt like grabbing a coffee. The Hipsters were trailing after the Dean like a series of elderly, incontinent, mocking ducklings, teasing him about everything from the shine of his bald head to his predilection for Dalmatians. Quendra was consoling Starburns by the statue of Luis Guzman as the drug dealer was sobbing uncontrollably. And, lightly drifting through campus, was the soft strains of Michael Haggins' 'Daybreak.'

_Damn, I do love this place, _Duncan thought to himself without a trace of irony.

An hour later, he was still in the cafeteria, nursing a cup of mediocre coffee. It was relatively quiet, thankfully, as only Garrett was in there at that point, looking like his second yacht. Shirley was humming away behind the counter of her sandwich shop but, aside from a brief conversation to catch up when he had first purchased his coffee, she had largely left him be, busy doing the books or changing diapers. Whatever it was she did when not being judgmental.

Winger swept in at one point, presumably for his daily coffee break with Shirley, but stopped short when he saw Duncan sitting at a booth. "Hey, buddy," he said as he slid on to the bench. "How was England?"

"Therapeutic," Duncan said. "At least, that's what the Dean will hear if he asks."

That drew a smirk from Winger. "You don't remember much of it, do you?"

"Not a stitch after Heathrow," Duncan confirmed. "I may have discovered the ceiling on how long one can go on a bender and still not be declared legally brain-dead. I'm thinking of calling it the New Duncan Principal, since your girlfriend ruined the original."

Duncan watched in amusement as the other man blanched. "Uh," Winger stammered hilariously. "That is, I don't know…"

"Relax, Winger," Duncan said with an eye roll. "After all, I did walk in on you practicing to ask Annie out like a thirteen-year-old that just discovered girls aren't icky. It's not like I didn't see it coming."

At that moment, Chang entered the cafeteria, clad in a purple tuxedo, complete with spats and tails. He was wearing a green wig that did nothing to conceal his real hair and his face was partially painted white with a shaky, red line around his mouth. Duncan gaped at the scene for a long moment while Chang went through the cafeteria line and piled a plate high with macaroni and cheese.

He found his voice after a couple of minutes. "That, however, I did not see coming."

"Yeah," Winger smirked as he watched Chang make his way over towards them with a bright wave. "You may have missed a few things."

"Maybe you should enlighten me."

A sigh. "It started with the Dean breaking into my apartment. Again."

* * *

><p>AN: This was probably the easiest near 4,000 words I've ever written. Apparently, Duncan speaks to me. Literally. I was hearing his voice when I was writing.

...

I probably should't have admitted that.

Ahem. Awkward subject change.

nicolasdes, you can leave a review in whatever language you want. My two semesters of French will do me absolutely no good (because I was horrible at foreign languages), but that's why Google translator was invented.

No, seriously, I have no idea how I passed French. I don't think I passed a written test. I will not make the oral joke that just formed in my head.

Shirley next week, dear readers.


	6. Circus Management and Acquisitions

Shirley was honestly trying to make an effort.

After the second implosion of her marriage with Andre, Shirley realized a few basic things about herself that she decided she needed to work on. She was too judgmental, especially of her friends that had stuck by her through everything. Also, while her faith was important to her, and she desperately wanted her friends saved to spend eternity with her, Shirley understood that she may have been a little less-than-Christian in the way she tried to spread His word. Surprise baptisms were, apparently, frowned upon.

She tried to fix these things. She really did. Shirley took herself out of the Greendale Gossip Vine on a self-imposed retirement after the Meow-Meow Beans kerfuffle. Yes, that meant that Leonard had slipped in to take her place, and he was a lot less gentle about the way he related his information, but she honestly felt a little better about herself for not speaking ill about her fellow Human Beings. That even extended to Dean Pelton, despite the fact that he was obviously heading for Hell with his hedonistic, cross dressing ways.

Trying to fix herself didn't mean always succeeding.

Shirley glanced up at the clock that hung on the wall in the back room of Shirley's Sandwiches in the Greendale cafeteria and frowned at the time, seeing that it was half-past three. It was her slow period, near the middle of the afternoon at the end of the summer session, so she was catching up on her accounting. The shop was actually doing well; much better than the first go-round, really. Enough so that she was contemplating hiring a few part-timers to help once the fall semester started back up in September. At least, she had been before the mail had come that morning.

_Oh, that boy would be late the one day I actually do need him to show up_, Shirley thought with a huff as she slammed her laptop lid down. Jeff had been annoyingly on-time throughout the summer months. Without fail, he would show up to force her to take a coffee break at three and sit with her for about thirty minutes while they talked about any and everything that came to them in a blatant effort to distract themselves from the problems in their lives.

She had figured their coffee breaks would stop once the whole mess with Abed went down a few weeks ago and he had other distractions that Shirley wasn't sure she really approved of, but Jeff remained alarmingly reliable. She didn't know whether that was him finally growing up or other influences, but she welcomed the change in him. Jeff was finally becoming the man that Shirley knew he was capable of, which gave her a sense of pride. Not that she could really take credit of course, but she firmly believed they all, even Pierce, had a hand in Jeff's transformation.

"Shirley?"

_Speak of the devil,_ she thought with a sigh as she pushed away from her small desk and picked up the manila envelope that had arrived earlier that morning. He was leaning casually against the counter as she pushed her way through the swinging door, a disarming grin on his face and two cups of coffee in his hands. Oddly, the sleeves of his blue button-up shirt were slightly singed and his hair was a little more mussed than he generally kept it. He even smelled a little like smoke, to add to her confusion.

"Sorry I'm late," he said as Shirley led the way to their regular booth not far from the counter. Jeff had picked it, as it allowed her to quickly reach the shop in the unlikely scenario that someone came into the cafeteria at that point. "I had to sign my new contract for the school year and you have no idea the hoops I had to go through."

Synthesized fanfare suddenly flared to life from somewhere behind them, followed by what sounded like the universally recognized theme for a circus. Shirley and Jeff both whipped their heads up towards the entrance to the cafeteria and she felt her jaw drop as Dean Pelton came sashaying in wearing a tight, red velvet, tailed tuxedo jacket over a white, ruffled shirt. A pair of black hoochie shorts had been matched with a pair of tall, heeled black boots. A bow tie and top hat that was the exact color of the jacket completed the outfit.

Following closely behind the Dean, and holding up a boom box pumping out circus music, was Chang, still dressed in that ridiculous clown outfit from Abed's aborted attempt at _Batman_. Considering his past, the fact he was still dressing like a homicidal clown was a little concerning, though Annie assured everyone he was fine. Which was another odd, little relationship that girl was involved in that she didn't get. At least he was getting better at drawing the lips on, even if the green wig still didn't fit properly over his Chang-hair. And trailing behind Chang was…oh, sweet Jesus. Did the Dean really hire a troupe of midgets to be circus clowns?

Jeff cleared his throat as the weird processional weaved its way through the cafeteria and out the back door in the student lounge. "Now you have some idea of the hoops I had to go through."

"Lord forgive him," Shirley muttered. She looked up at Jeff with a tired smile. "At least he has the legs for those booty shorts."

"He does, doesn't he?" Jeff said with a snort over his coffee. He paused and shot Shirley a piercing look. "That one really doesn't leave this table. I already had a hard enough time convincing Craig he isn't reason I was able to open Borchert's lab."

Shirley frowned at him. "It wasn't, was it Jeffrey?"

"No, it wasn't," he said, shifting uncomfortably in the booth. Jeff had never really discussed with anyone what had happened down in that lab, at least in regards to what cracked open that door and allowed them to save Greendale by producing Borchert. Britta insisted it was his love for himself that was able to reboot that sinful robot, but Shirley believed strongly that it was his love for the school they had all come to consider home.

The only other real option wasn't one she felt comfortable with.

Subject change, then. "So, how are our finals going for Business Law?"

Jeff smirked, his eyes conveying how thankful he was for the shift in topic. "Fishing for advance knowledge, Shirley? Is that what a good, Christian woman would do?"

"No," she conceded. "But it is what a woman wanting to raise her three point eight nine G.P.A. to a three point nine would do. You wouldn't want to wreck my average, would you Jeffrey?"

"Wouldn't dream of it," Jeff said with an eye roll. "I will only say what I said in class and that is that the final is cumulative."

"Uh huh," Shirley said, fighting back a smirk of her own. "You haven't written it yet, have you?"

Jeff leaned back in the booth, his arms hanging over the back. "Maybe I haven't. Maybe, just maybe, I've come up with a unique, practical final that will force you all to apply what you've learned to a court case of my choosing."

"Like Duncan's unorthodox Anthropology final?" Shirley asked, letting a small grin on finally come to her face.

"Absolutely not," Jeff said with a look of dismay on his face. "No one in class is pregnant, for starters."

"Jeffrey," Shirley exclaimed. She would have smacked him, had she anything at hand that would have reached him. Despite the blessing that was Ben, she still didn't like to talk about the particular lapse in judgment that accompanied her reunion with Andre. As Troy had rightfully said, not remembering a night of sex with Chang is a gift from God. "Why are you slacking on this, anyway? I thought you liked teaching."

"I do," he said and it was a lot more readily than he probably would have admitted even three months earlier. "It's the tests I hate. Hated them as a student, hate them even more as a teacher. As a student, you didn't have to grade them, and, trust me; a lot of people have no basic grasp of English. Present company excluded."

"Awww," Shirley cooed. "Thank you. It gets pretty bad, though?"

"Oh, god," Jeff groaned. "I had one kid last semester turn in a paper on the Fifth Amendment written completely in text. Ten pages of 'LOL AFAIAA this case is totes important.' I seriously weep for the future, Shirley."

She couldn't stop the wide smile the blossomed on her face, which drew a confused look from Jeff. "It's nothing," she waved him off. "It's just…you sound so professory right now."

"I blame Annie," Jeff said with a head shake. "She's rubbed off on me."

"She has, has she?" Shirley said both unconsciously and with a lot of malice. Immediately, she felt a surge of guilt over her reaction and tried to wipe her displeasure off her face, failing badly at it.

Jeff sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. "Shirley, I just meant that, after over five years, her Grammar Nazi tendencies have taken hold. You know that Annie and I…"

"Jeff, I really don't want to talk about it," Shirley cut him off with a stern look.

He pressed on anyway, which really only served to make her even more upset with the situation. "We're not sleeping together. I've told you on multiple occasions that we're going slow. Glacially slow. Annie would tell you that, also, if you weren't avoiding her. Which is a little messed up, Shirley."

She shook her head emphatically. "I'm not talking about this with you, Jeffrey."

"That's fine," Jeff said. "I don't feel particularly comfortable talking about this at all. All I will say is that we're both well aware of her family situation and you're kind of acting like her mother right now."

That hit Shirley right between the eyes. Her biggest flaw, the one she tried and failed the most to correct, was using guilt as a weapon. This one wasn't exactly a big surprise, since she was well aware of what she was doing. It was a bad lesson to learn for anyone, really. A person shouldn't have to lay on the guilt to her loved ones to force them to do things they really didn't want to do. Of course, her loved ones being who they were, without guilt, they probably wouldn't do anything.

It wasn't often, though, that any of them turned that guilt around on her. Sure, it happened occasionally. Usually, it was Jeff that did it, because he really did understand who she is and where she came from. And had that damned silver tongue that could talk anyone into anything. Britta would try, and fail, at it. While the girl's heart was theoretically in the right place, she wasn't any good with her words. Or her actions. Probably because of the drug use.

Britta really was a mess.

Shirley sighed and rubbed at her face wearily. She couldn't really verbalize why she was so opposed to Jeff and Annie being, well, _Jeff and Annie_. The age difference was a factor, yes, but the idea of the two of them together just didn't feel right to her. However, as Jeff had pointed out, she wasn't punishing him for their attempting to sort out their obvious feelings for one another. No, that was directed solely at Annie. Which was absurd, and Shirley knew it.

Still, whenever she saw the two of them together, which was fairly regularly now in the two months since Abed's 'minor meltdown,' Shirley couldn't help but feel protective towards Jeff. It was almost as if she were afraid that Annie was the no-conscious womanizer in the relationship, not the one who actually had the reputation for it. Again, it wasn't anything that really made sense to even her. Hence, her refusal to talk about it to the people involved in the situation.

Jeff's comment, though, reminded her that Annie looked at all of them as her surrogate family. Shirley still remembered the rage she felt when Annie had finally come clean with them all about her situation and why, exactly, she was living above that sinful place in that horrible neighborhood. It had taken every ounce of self-restraint she possessed not to track down the 'woman' who was supposed to be that sweet, bright girl's mother and let her have a piece of her mind. Ever since then, Shirley had done her best to let Annie know that she could turn to her when she had need of a mother figure.

He must have seen something on her face, because Jeff smiled softly and said, "Subject change?"

"Praise Jesus, yes," Shirley muttered.

Jeff gestured at the envelope that she had dropped on the table top when they had first sat down. "What to tell me what's in that, then?"

Oh, right. That. She let out a heavy breath and slid the envelope across the table. Jeff raised an eyebrow, but pulled out the cover letter that had come with the somewhat thick packet. She watched as his eyes skimmed over the document once, then both eyebrows shot up and he read through it again, this time much more slowly. Wordlessly, Jeff put down the letter and pulled out the packet of papers that were still within the envelope.

The cafeteria was completely silent for the next fifteen minutes as Jeff slowly sifted through the paperwork. Shirley nervously rocked herself in the booth, wishing she had grabbed her purse so that she had something to hold on to. What was worse was that she couldn't read Jeff's reactions at all; it was as if he had completely shut off his emotions. Finally, he reached the final page and made choked-off cough before swallowing hard.

"Okay," he said and Shirley was grateful his voice sounded rattled, so that the boy did have some semblance of emotion to him. "This is wrinkling my brain. Abed is really offering to sell you his dad's falafel shop. At a ridiculously low price."

Shirley shook her head sadly. "I've been trying to call him since that came in the mail, but his phone is going straight to voicemail. I haven't seen him at all since the funeral. And even that was for all of five minutes."

"Yeah, I know," Jeff said with a sigh. "He's all but moved out of the apartment, though he's still paying rent. Rachel said he's taking some time to 'reassess' when I asked her about it yesterday. Even she didn't really know what that meant, other than he was going off-grid for a while."

"Mark my words," Shirley said with a slight growl. "That boy is going to come back having joined a cult."

"No bet," Jeff smirked. He tapped the paper work once and said, "In my professional opinion, you would be stupid not to take this deal, as long as you have the capital. You won't ever see a deal this good. From a personal standpoint, can you really take on something like this?"

"I don't know," Shirley admitted. "I already spend so little time with my boys. I know Andre and I have worked out rotating weekends, but running a business like that is much different from running a sandwich shop in a community college cafeteria. I'm afraid I would never see them."

"If it were me, I would take the deal," Jeff said, running a hand through his hair. "But I'm probably not the person you should be basing major, life-changing decisions off of."

"I'll probably have to talk it over with Andre," Shirley said wearily. "I doubt that's a conversation that's going to go well. We haven't really done more than the basic civil chit-chat since April."

"Good luck with that," Jeff said and Shirley could believe that it was completely sincere. "I do have some good news."

"Oh, bless you. I could use some."

"I think I finally have your Business Law final."

"Jeffrey!"

* * *

><p>AN: ...

I will be completely honest, I'm not sure how I feel about these chapters with this arc (3 in total). I wasn't lying, Shirley is a pain to write, which probably explains why there are only 19 stories with her as one of the character tags on here.

Still, I'm stubborn and refuse to hit the self-destruct button and start over. Plus, with YNB announcing she's leaving (and godspeed to her and her father, because I'm assuming she'll see this), it was timely.

On a different note, if you don't abandon ship after the next few chapters, I did notice my posting schedule will mean that Shirley's Law (working spin-off title) will wrap the week before Halloween. Which means HOLIDAY SPECIAL!

Did I go overboard on the exclamation points? I can never tell

We won't time skip to Halloween, because I do have a (vaguish) time line, but I do plan on something with that flavor to run that week. Working title "Paranomal Research and Development." So, we've got that going for us, which is nice.

Until next time, dear readers.


	7. Fundamentals of Falafel Equity

The Business Law classroom was buzzing with excitement as the thirty students enrolled in the class waited for the bell. Word had spread pretty quickly about the practical final that Jeff had devised, of which he still hadn't told Shirley any details of. She had a sneaking suspicion as to what it involved, considering the timing of his epiphany, but Shirley had decided to play the 'wait and see' card.

They were going to have words if he was basing his final off her real-life dilemma, though.

Jeff walked into the classroom right before the bell and dropped an expensive-looking briefcase on to his desk. He was looking sharp in one of his more expensive, black suits. He hadn't really worn one since he had taken the job teaching, which really only made it more striking when he did. Shirley had to admit that it would be easy for anyone to be taken with his looks, despite age differences that made any possible romances not quite right.

Shirley paused and mentally cursed herself. _Stop that. You aren't one to judge._

Now, if she repeated that enough, maybe she would start to believe it.

"All right, listen up," Jeff called out, immediately commanding the room's attention. "You've all, no doubt, heard that the final will be a practical one."

That drew a cheer from the kids in the class, who, no doubt, had no desire to cram for a written one. Jeff smirked and said, "Yeah, yeah. We all hate tests. Here's the thing, you'll be split up into two, rival law firms, where you'll attempt to negotiate the purchase of one company by another. And yes, Geneva, because I can already see you raising your hand, they are fictional companies. No, Crazy Rob, _you_ cannot make them up, because the last time you did for a paper, you tried to argue the government started the Federal Trade Commision to handle the trade of alien technology for Mars bars."

"So, Mr. Winger, what are the guidelines?" Geneva asked. She was a young thing, right out of high school and taking summer classes to get a head start, as she had breathlessly told anyone that would listen. Shirley actually found that Geneva reminded her a bit of Annie, right down to the obsessive note taking and frequent questions.

Jeff smirked and pulled out two, thick manila envelopes from the briefcase and put them on the desk. "I'm glad you asked, Geneva. In these two envelopes is everything you need to know about your respective clients. One group will be representing the seller, the other the purchaser. The goal of both groups is to come up with a price that is agreeable to both sides without needing litigation. If you cannot come up with a deal agreeable to both sides by Friday at the end of class, that will symbolically mean you're going to court and will fail the final."

That drew a round of shocked gasps from the class, Shirley included. Geneva raised her hand primly and Shirley watched as Jeff good-naturedly rolled his eyes before calling on her. "So this is pass/fail, then?"

"As it is in the real world," Jeff confirmed. "And remember, for business lawyers, the goal is to avoid court at all costs. So, you are to use any resources you can find to come up with, again, an agreement acceptable to both sides. As long as it will A, pass the legal muster, and B, not get anyone arrested."

"How will we be split up?" a voice in the back, a male one that Shirley was fairly certain was named Reggie, asked.

"I've already taken the liberty, going randomly, with except for the named partners of your respective firms," Jeff said, pulling two more sheets of paper from his briefcase. "Those four were chosen based off their test scores, with the top two split off with the next two. Shirley and Grover, you are Bennett Wise and Associates. Geneva and Ski Cap, you are Truman Ski Cap."

"Dude, my last name is Orion," Ski Cap protested, for what was probably the fifteenth time since the class began at the beginning of June.

"Yeah," Jeff said slowly. "We've established I'm not calling you that because it's a ridiculous name. Truman Ski Cap, this is your packet. You are representing the sellers. Bennett Wise, here is yours. The roster of your firms is up…" Jeff turned and taped two pieces of paper to the chalkboard, "…here. Pick one of your teammates to act as the business owner in question and get to work. We meet again Friday to go over your deal."

Shirley made her way to the front to pick up her firm's information packet, but found that Grover had beaten her there. She was pretty sure that his real name wasn't Grover, but Jeff insisted on calling him that because he was gangly, had a wide mouth, and bushy hair with a similar beard. Plus, he talked in a weird high-pitched warble and entered the classroom each time with a hearty, "Hellooo, everybody!"

Grover waved enthusiastically at Shirley as she approached. "Helloo, Shirley!"

"Hi, Grover," she smiled kindly.

"I know you've got your shop to run, so I thought I would get a head start on setting everything up for us," Grover continued enthusiastically. "You know who we should pick for the owner?"

Shirley ran her eyes down the roster of Bennett Wise and Associates, stopping on one name. "Garrett."

Both she and Grover slid their eyes over to the back of the room. Garrett was spinning in a circle, trying to put on his backpack and failing at it. He finally lost control of his momentum and crashed into the back row of desks, falling over them in a loud crash and a muttered, "I'm okay."

Grover nodded emphatically. "Garrett. You go finish up what you need to for the day, and we'll get the ball rolling by the time you close up at six."

Shirley nodded, grateful that someone understood the demands on her time. "Thanks, Grover. I'll meet you in the library? Say six thirty?"

"Sounds good, Shirley," Grover beamed and practically skipped over to the rest of the 'firm.'

She was halfway down the hall when Jeff's long legs caught up with her. "Shirley. Don't be mad."

"Why would I be mad, Jeffrey?" Shirley asked sweetly.

"You, uh, haven't looked in the packet yet?" he asked. Out of the corner of her eyes, she noticed him rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"I'm letting my partners get a head start while I deal with my business," Shirley said. Then added with a pointed look, "You know, the one you're using for your class?"

"I knew you looked," he muttered. "Shirley..."

"No, Jeff," Shirley cut him off. "You're exploiting mine and Abed's personal business for your class. Don't you think that poor boy's been through enough?"

"He's not exactly here to know about it," Jeff began, but stopped himself at when he looked her full in the face. "Okay, you're angry. I get that. But, Shirley, here's the thing…"

He spun around and walked in the opposite direction. Shirley had half a mind to call after him and chew him out some more, but sighed and let him go. _That boy really does over use that exit,_ she thought as she made her way back to the cafeteria.

The rest of the afternoon passed quickly enough, though there wasn't much in the way of business. She would be really thankful when the fall semester started back up, regardless of how the deal for Gobi Nadir's falafel shop ended up. The worst part was a call to Andre asking him to meet her at Greendale the next day, though even that was quickly over with a minimum of passive aggressive sniping. At six-thirty on the dot, she entered the library and had to back out to look to see if she had the right building.

Someone had rearranged the library, for the most part. The shelves were still in the same place, but the desks and study tables had been shifted around. Everywhere she could see, the fourteen members, plus more besides, of her 'firm' were bustling around, talking quietly among themselves. The computer cubicles had been rearranged into an open space that had once been a sort of lounge and now formed what could only be termed a bullpen. Six students were sitting there, either flipping through thick law journals or looking up information online. All were wearing some form of business attire with varying degrees of wrinkles and none were actually in Shirley's class.

A bright-eyed blonde smiled widely from behind what was normally the help desk. "Good evening, Ms. Bennett. Mr. Wise is waiting for you in Conference Room F."

Shirley just stared blankly. The blonde sighed and pointed vaguely towards the study rooms. "Your normal room."

The phone rang once as Shirley walked away completely bewildered. She heard the 'secretary' answer, "Bennett Wise and Associates, how my I direct your call? No, this is the library. No! I am not…a skirt, blouse, and heels."

She was determined to put that particular conversation out of her head as she walked back towards the study room, her home away from home. A few of her other classmates greeted her with muted variations of "Good evening, Ms. Bennett" as they scurried past. Though, after seeing a couple of them pass before her twice more, she began to get the impression that they were intentionally walking back and forth while holding a stack of file folders. That only served to make her even more confused.

The study room blinds were closed when she came up to it in a, thankfully, less busy part of the library. Even the ones on the door had been drawn, which was really unusual. Only a few students sitting around tables studying in this part of the library, including Annie, which Shirley realized with a jolt. The younger woman was obviously disgruntled at being at a table while she flipped through a text book with a highlighter poised above the text and a pen in her other hand above a lined notebook. Shirley started to make her way over to say something, possibly apologize for the way she had been treating her, but was stopped by the door to the study room being forcefully opened.

A girl, Mary Katherine, came running out of the room, tears trailing down her face. Following right after her was a man in a suit that looked like it could have been one of Jeff's, in that it was black, slimly cut, and expensive looking. "And don't come back until you find that brief, Mary," he called after the retreating co-ed. He paused when he saw Shirley standing there and his face broke out into a wide grin. "Shirley! Right on time. We're just about ready to get started."

Shirley blinked. "Grover?"

"Harland, actually," he replied. He looked completely different, even considering the suit. Gone was the shaggy hair and scruffy beard, both now having been trimmed down to a more respectable level. His dark hair had even been slicked back, which made it even darker looking. "Harland Wise, III. Esquire."

"Esquire?" Shirley raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

Grover/Harland had the good sense to shuffle his feet a little. "Well, not yet. But for the purposes of this exercise, I am. Shall we?"

Shirley nodded briefly and followed him in, noticing out of the corner of her eye that Annie was watching the whole thing with a mix of intense interest and a little hurt feelings. Shirley felt a rush of guilt that the latter was due to her. The study room had been largely left alone, though the table had been moved to the middle of the space and the chalkboard was filled with pros and cons about the business in the assignment. Around the table were three other people, including Garrett, who looked lost.

"Now, Yuan, if you would bring Shirley up to speed," Harland said, gesturing to an Asian man sitting in her normal spot and wearing just a Spongebob Squarepants tie with his white shirt.

"Absolutely, Harland," Yuan said. He stood and paced over to the blackboard. "As you're aware, Shirley, we've been tasked with acquiring a business for our client," here Yuan gestured at Garrett, who waved awkwardly. "Garrett, who owns a local restaurant, has made an offer to purchase a competing eatery for what he feels is a fair price. The current owners disagree, of course. So, we're looking at a hostile takeover."

"Shouldn't we try negotiating, first?" Shirley asked as she slid into what would have been Jeff's seat.

"Of course, of course," Harland stood from Hickey's seat. "We're just planning for the eventuality that negotiations fail. Shirley, I would like you to head up the negotiation team. You can pick whomever you wish that you feel will help you secure our client's new company."

Shirley nodded. "What price are we shooting for?"

"Two grand. Which is ridiculously low, but that's the price that Mr. Winger had in his information packet."

Shirley made a face. "I'm going to skin that boy," she muttered.

"I'm sorry?" Yuan asked.

"Nothing," Shirley said in what Andre once termed her 'sexy voice.' "Do you have their books?"

Harland shoved a somewhat thick, three-ringed binder down the table at her. "You need any help?"

"Oh, no," Shirley said with a smile. "I do this kind of thing all the time for Shirley's Sandwiches, so I know what to look for."

"Excellent," Harland clapped. "We'll leave you to it, while we handle the less than savory part of it."

Shirley raised an eyebrow but smiled at everyone sweetly while she left the study room and took the first available table in the library proper. She began flipping through the binder, realizing after a few minutes that Jeff had used Gobi's actual books for the assignment after seeing a few of the purchases included payments for what were termed 'Abed expenses.' What that meant, she had no idea, but that made her feel a little indignant on behalf of her missing friend.

Gobi actually was doing fairly well with the shop, considering falafel wasn't exactly a high-demand dish. In fact, he was doing better than she was with Shirley's Sandwiches, but then, she had only been operating for a couple of years now, while the falafel shop was his life's work. The more she delved into his records, the more she wondered about the man. It seemed as if his entire life revolved around the shop, especially after his wife left him and Abed became more and more involved at the school. That was a guess, of course, but going by the records, and what she knew of Abed's history, Gobi's expansion from a stand to a shop coincided with the divorce, and his plans for a second store on the other side of Greendale began during what would have been Abed's third year, after he moved in with Troy and Annie.

The obvious parallels were right there on the page for her. She wondered, briefly, if she would go down the same path, constantly falling further and further into her business and neglecting her family and social life. Seeing it there before her, Shirley suddenly didn't want to buy the shop if it meant sacrificing her babies like Gobi had. She was having visions of missing ballgames and plays, even up to high school graduations, all because she had to work. Not to mention how the poor man had passed on from this life, alone in a cooler.

Shirley bent her head slightly and closed her eyes. _Dear Lord, please give me the wisdom to make the right decision for my family. And, please, watch over my friends, especially..._

"You know those numbers aren't sustainable," a voice came over Shirley's shoulder, causing her to let out a yelp. She jumped in her seat, holding her hand to her chest and turned to find Annie standing just behind her. The girl had bashfully ducked her head, allowing a few loose strands of her brown hair to drift down over her eyes. Her hands were clasped behind her back and she was bobbing on her toes a little in her ballet flats. "Sorry."

Shirley sighed sat back down. "It's okay, sweetie. I just didn't hear you coming. What did you say?"

"The numbers," Annie repeated. "They aren't sustainable. The intake on that last page wasn't matching the outtake. Whoever that is would have been all right for a while, probably a year, but eventually would have folded without cutbacks."

Shirley gave the girl a skeptical look, but looked back through the numbers on the last page again. Sure enough, the intake had started shrinking compared to the outtake in the last six months. It wasn't a huge loss, but Gobi had obviously insisted on high quality in his ingredients, paired with a few necessary equipment replacements that he hadn't budgeted for, even in an emergency. If he hadn't started making some changes, he wouldn't have made a year.

"You got all that from a glance at the books?" Shirley asked. She couldn't help but be both surprised and impressed at the intelligence the younger girl showed. She shouldn't be, since it was Annie, after all.

Annie blushed. "Actually, I've been standing here for about five minutes. I was trying to figure out what to say to you."

"Oh, Annie," Shirley said. The guilt crested again, this time worse than even when Jeff had called her Annie's mother, and not in the good way. "Honey, you know you don't have to worry about talking to me."

Annie shook her head. "It hasn't felt that way."

"I know," Shirley sighed. "And I'm sorry. I shouldn't let my issues push you away."

"What issues?" Annie said as she slowly lowered herself into the chair across the table from Shirley and smoothed the skirt of her sky-blue sundress. "Is it me and Jeff? Because…"

"You guys are taking it slow," Shirley interrupted. "Jeff has told me."

"Actually," Annie said slowly, a determined look crossing her face. "I was going to say that it really isn't any of your business."

Shirley's eyes goggled and she felt her jaw drop. "Excuse me?"

"Shirley, I love you," Annie said softly. "I do. But Jeff and I are both adults and, if we want to try out a relationship, we don't need your blessing to do so. All you should care about, as our friend, is that we're happy. And I think we can be."

Shirley worked her mouth for a moment, unable to find her words. "Annie…"

"If anyone has a reason to be upset over Jeff and me, its Britta," Annie continued over her. "And she's fine with it. In fact, she, Abed, and Rachel worked together to try and get us to work out our crap. Granted, it didn't quite go the way they imagined, but that wasn't Britta's fault."

"I know," Shirley sighed. "I just can't help but be a bit protective."

Annie raised an eyebrow. "You think Jeff is going to hurt me?"

"No, I'm afraid you're going to break him," Shirley snapped back and immediately gasped. She slid her eyes around as the truth hit her for why she hadn't been supportive of her friends, who obviously cared a great deal about one another.

Annie's face was white with shock. "Shirley…what?"

"I…Jeff's finally starting to be a good man," Shirley said, putting to words what she worried about for weeks now. "The kind of man to be proud of. And you, you're the first woman he's really cared about since he stopped being that bastard of a lawyer that got the stripper that stole my husband off. At least in a romantic sense."

"That's not true," Annie said, though her eyes were as wide as saucers. "What about Slater? Or Britta?"

"Oh, pumpkin," Shirley shook her head. "As much as I hoped Jeff and Britta would end up together, we all know those two would never have worked as a couple. And Slater…I never liked that woman. Looked down her nose at all of us. Now, you two have been in each other's orbit since your little debate display, and he really hasn't dated anyone since Slater. And I'm talking serious dating, not whatever heathen things he may get up to when we're not around to stop him, which counts his little romp in the hay with Britta. It may have taken him a while to get to where he admits it, but that boy has had it bad for years now. Even I can't deny that. If you two try, and it fails, I don't want to watch him going back to that same selfish jerk he was."

"Shirley," Annie started, but shook off her shock. "Don't you think that's crossed my mind, also? There are a thousand reasons for us not to do this. From both of our perspectives. I have the list in my bag if you want to look at it."

"So why do it?"

Annie sighed. "Because we do love each other. Doesn't that make it worth the risk?"

"Not always," Shirley said softly.

"Oh, Shirley," Annie breathed. Her huge, blue eyes started shining. "I'm so sorry. I didn't even think about how all this talk would bother you. Are you doing okay?"

"Not really," Shirley admitted. "I only get to see my boys four days a month. I can't even fight Andre for more visitation rights, because I'm at the shop so much that I know I couldn't be there for them. I know he'll let me see them more often if I would ask, but, damn it, a mother shouldn't have to. And then this 'assignment' of Jeffrey's is just making me see how much Gobi sacrificed to make his shop work."

"Wait," Annie said, eyes narrowing dangerously. "What assignment?"

"Our Business Law final," Shirley said gesturing at the binder. "He's using an offer I got from Abed's lawyer to buy his dad's shop as a practical exam."

"WHAT?" Annie immediately blushed as a few nearby students loudly shushed her and leaned closer to Shirley. "Is that why both libraries have been turned into law firms? And those two people keep walking back and forth with arm loads of folders?"

"Well, yes," Shirley said. Even as she spoke, the two students in question made another circuit, both looking harried and slightly winded as they had to have been on their tenth trip around the library at that point. One of the two, a slightly overweight man who looked to be in his thirties, had a red face and was sweating profusely, which made Shirley a little worried about his health. "I admit, I don't know why they had to go to this length, but it is Greendale. Jeff didn't mention any of this?"

"All he would say was that he was doing a practical final," Annie said She leaned back in her chair and folded her arms tightly over her chest. "And that was after two weeks of stalling when I would ask. I can't believe him. I know he hated tests, but this is…is…"

"Jeff-like?" Shirley supplied sweetly. "He's becoming a better man, but that doesn't mean he's all the way there yet."

"I expected better of him," Annie said. "And to exploit two of our best friends just to get out of having to grade anything is just...just…oh. I would withhold…uh…y'know…if we were having…it."

Shirley raised an eyebrow. "Really, Annie? You can describe, in an alarming amount of detail, what you would do to a figment of Abed's imagination, but you still can't say 'sex?'"

"That was Hector the Well Endowed," Annie said primly. "I was playing a role. And, I'll have you know, he is now a sixth-level fighter and a twelfth-level lover."

"I'll bet he is," Shirley muttered. A thought occurred to her that she really wished Britta had been around to ask, because Shirley was uncomfortable asking Annie about her love life. Britta, however, would have just dived right in. Sighing, Shirley pushed aside the question and decided to bring it up next time she was around the younger woman and let her loose on Annie.

Annie's brow creased as she looked at the binder that was in front of Shirley. "Wait, those are the actual books, aren't they? He didn't even bother trying to make this look fictitious. Oh, my god. That means Abed's dad was going out of business."

"Eventually," Shirley said with a sad smile. "Gobi was pouring everything he had into his shop."

"You aren't Abed's dad, Shirley," Annie said, reaching across the table and grabbing Shirley's hand. "You know that, right?"

"I know, sweetie," Shirley nodded. "But I do see the parallels. And I'm not sure that I like where that leads me."

Annie smiled softly. "I'm here if you need to talk. Anytime."

"Thank you," Shirley squeezed her hand. "Now, I should really get back to work on this project. Though, I really don't know why, since my partners are gung-ho on the hostile takeover idea."

"Shirley, wait, I've got an idea," Annie said, her eyes lighting up. She reached into her backpack and pulled out her phone. She didn't have to wait long before getting an answer and Shirley was left bewildered at hearing half a conversation. "Rachel? I'm here with Shirley. Yes, we've talked it out. A little. I don't know what that means. I need to ask a favor. Have you heard about Jeff's Business Law final? Yeah, the _practical_. She needs some help. That's exactly what I was thinking. Tomorrow morning in the library sound good? Excellent. Bye."

Annie replaced her phone and Shirley couldn't help but notice the happy little bounce she did in her chair. "You want to tell me what that was all about?" Shirley asked.

Annie beamed. "Rachel and I are going to help you win this case."

"You realize this is a class, right?" Shirley asked. "The only thing to win is a passing grade on the final that will boost my G.P.A. up a point."

"Shirley," Annie said and damned if that girl didn't turn on the Disney Eyes.

"Fine," Shirley sighed. There wasn't a person on the campus that could deny Annie when she went to the Disney well. "What do I need to do?"

Annie once more bounced happily in her chair. "Do you still have that suit from Abed's _Pulp Fiction_ party?"

It hurt Shirley to admit, but she had to think for a moment about what Annie was talking about, considering the party in question had been over three years ago. So much was going on that year, what with her reconciliation with Andre, the One-Night-Stand-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named, and Ben being born, that she had honestly blurred out a lot of the events of that year. A few stuck out in her mind, of course, such as the paintball war with City College and what had come to be called the Bottle Episode by the study group. She barely recalled Abed's birthday party, other than Pierce owning a gimp outfit and secretly cheering on Troy as he strangled Chang up against a jukebox.

It wasn't what a proper Christian woman would do, but then, the Lord had to have understood there were extenuating circumstances involving a pregnant woman with out of whack hormones and an insane Chinese man.

"I don't know how well it will fit, considering I got it when I was pregnant," Shirley told Annie. "But I think it's still in my closet. Why?"

Annie got that competitive gleam in her eye that always put Shirley on edge. It usually meant someone was getting their face slammed on a table.

"You better put on your briefs tomorrow, because we're heading to court."

* * *

><p>AN: Wednesday again? How did this happen so quickly?<p>

...

Oh, yeah. Week-long fever induced stupor. Apparently, I was going for my own, Amazing S Principal on how long one could have a temperature without starting to cook brain cells. That kind of slowed up progress on life. Though I did get something not Community-related going that was kind of fever-induced after watching a marathon of Leverage. That one won't see the light of day until I'm happy with it. So, probably never.

To the Guest unsure about Britta's feelings on Jannie: That's probably my bad for not being clearer. I think you were referring to the the line from Background Sociology about her "trying to ignore the couple on the other side of the room, failing miserably." I meant to convey that Britta was attempting to be a good friend and give them space, but couldn't help being nosy, as the Study Group tends to be with each other. Shirley is/was the only one being a B about Jannie (Possible alternates: Jennie, Aneff, Wingerson, Ediger, David).

CealSR: Nailed it. Which means you're a wizard and, thus, I need to know how I'm going to die.

We wrap Shirley's Law next week, dear readers. Same Human Being time, same Human Being channel.


	8. Advanced Negotiation for Beginners

Shirley stalked into the Study Room the next morning with a purpose to her gait. The members of Bennett Wise and Associates blinked at the stern look on her face as she passed them in the hallway and promptly scurried out of the way. Even the front desk secretary, Debbie, held her tongue at the sight of the imposing woman. It may have been her gait, it may have been the black suit-and-tie she was wearing, but everything about Shirley that morning radiated 'Do _not_ mess with me today.'

Hardly anyone noticed Annie trailing behind her in a gray pantsuit and white dress shirt with a messenger bag draped over her shoulder.

The senior partners' heads jerked up from where they had gathered around the study room table as Shirley shoved the doors open with enough force that the blinds rattled loudly. Harland was in another expensive looking suit, a dark blue one with a deep red tie this time. Yuan looked like he hadn't changed clothes at all. The other two, Mark and Tiffany, Shirley barely took note of, mostly because they had pretty much made partner on the basis of their friendship with Harland and not any actual contributions to the firm.

"Shirley," Harland greeted after a moment. He ran a hand through his already neatly slicked-back hair. "We didn't expect to see you in here this early. What about…"

"I have someone minding the store for me," she cut in. "Right now, getting this deal done is the more important."

"Well, then you'll be happy to know that we think we've found the way in for a hostile takeover," Harland said, gesturing to Yuan.

Yuan nodded and stood, straightening the Spongebob tie. "You see, we think we can quietly convince a number of the voting members of the Nadir International board to oust the current management. It shouldn't be too hard, really, because not many like the current CEO. Apparently, he's a little on the incompetent side. And I may have a few pieces of information that certain members would hate to see the light of day. We think we can get enough votes to get our own man in the boardroom and make this deal slide through a little more quickly."

"Can you do this by Friday?" Shirley asked. "Because, just in case you can't read a calendar, that's tomorrow."

"I have full confidence in Yuan's ability to flip the board," Harland said. "He can be a conniving little weasel when he wants to be."

Shirley rolled her eyes. "Oh, I know he can be a foul little toad. But sometimes, Harland, you catch more flies with honey."

Harland looked at her thoughtfully. "What do you have in mind?"

"Give me twelve hours," Shirley said. "Let me work on Geneva Truman. Annie found some things in their financials that, once we point out to her, should be able to get her to convince the CEO to sell for lower than the agreed price."

"Really," Harland said flatly. "You're sure?"

"It's the Bennett guarantee."

Harland took a deep breath and leaned his forearms on the table, knuckles rapping on the wood rhythmically while he thought. Finally he said, "All right, Shirley. You're my best closer, so I know you can keep us out of litigation. But, if you can't get a deal by eight tonight, I'm letting Yuan off the leash."

"You best be used to Kibbles, boy, because that's all you're getting today," Shirley promised with a stink eye at Yuan. The younger man responded with roll of his eyes as he dropped down into his seat that the table. Shirley turned to leave with a shake of her own head. "Come on, Annie."

"Do you want Mark or Tiffany?" Harland asked. "I mean, I'm sure Annie's great, for an associate and all, but…"

"I've got Rachel helping as well," Shirley cut in. At Harland's blank look, she sighed and added, "The paralegal? Adorable blonde? Best researcher in the firm?"

"Right," Harland said. "Rachel. Well. Good luck, then."

Shirley shook her head and gestured for Annie to follow her out of the study room. When they were a good distance down the hall, Shirley muttered, "Grover needs to remember that my name is on that wall, also."

"Wall?" Annie asked.

"Metaphorical wall," Shirley huffed. "Oh, you know what I mean. This is my practice too, and I won't be forced out for a kid in a cartoon character tie and two trust fund babies who aren't even in our class."

Annie smirked slightly. "Well, we'll just have to put this whale to bed, won't we?"

Shirley just raised an eyebrow at the younger woman, who rolled her eyes in annoyance and said, "Snappy dialogue is more Abed's thing."

That drew a small, sad smile and they continued walking to the back of the library, where one of the smaller study rooms that she and Annie had co-opted for their own use as Shirley's office was. Rachel was waiting outside dressed in a deep blue blouse and back pencil skirt. Her blonde hair, while not really long or thick, had been teased to the point it looked like it had been professionally styled. She was leaning up against an unused table, her black high heels off and she was rubbing her feet with a pained look on her face.

Rachel looked up when she saw Shirley and Annie approach and gave them a small smile. "I just remembered why I put these in the back of my closet two years ago."

"I appreciate the effort, sweetie," Shirley said with a smile as she led the two into her 'office.' They had rearranged, placing the lone desk that had been in the room to where it faced the door, with a pair of chairs in front of it. The professionalism of the attempt dimmed only slightly by the twin, life-sized posters of Dean of Admissions Dr. Patrick Isakson's creepily smiling visage proclaiming, "Greendale Community College: Let us touch you." Shirley lowered herself into the chair and looked to the other two women. "Do you have the information on Geneva, Rachel?"

The woman in question shook her head. "Not yet. My source hasn't gotten back to me yet."

At that moment, the door to the study room swung open and Ian Duncan sauntered in, coming up short when he saw the trio and the set-up of the room. "I should have seen this coming."

"Professor Duncan, were you able to find that information I asked about?" Rachel asked.

He waved vaguely. "Yes, yes. Miss Truman apparently spends her time away from her 'firm' in the radio station booth. Also, I'm pretty sure I was put on one of those lists that don't let me go near a high school to get that for you."

"She's a DJ?" Annie asked.

Duncan sighed. "No, Annie, she's not. The only DJ KGCC has is Neil. The station is dark and empty when he's not playing 'Daybreak' on a constant, annoying loop. All Miss Truman does is study in there."

"Aww," Annie and Shirley said in unison.

"Yes, very tragic," Duncan said with an eye roll. "If that's all, I have to try to keep from getting my visa revoked."

"Thank you, professor," Rachel said as he turned to walk out. "I really owe you one."

"Female-Abed, I had to talk to Leonard to get what you needed," Duncan paused at the door. "You don't owe me _a_ favor. You owe me _all _the favors."

The three women watched Duncan storm off. Shirley turned to the other two. "You went to Duncan for information?"

Rachel shrugged. "We needed a Donna."

"And he is weirdly plugged in to the G.G.V.," Annie added.

"I don't know what any of that means," Shirley said. A look of horror crossed her face. "Oh my sweet Lord. I just became Pierce."

"That will never happen," Annie assured. She then turned to Rachel and placed a hand on her arm. "And you shouldn't let him get away with calling you Female-Abed."

Rachel sighed and met Annie's intense stare. "I got tired of arguing with him on it. It's not that big of a deal."

"Yes, it is," Annie insisted. "He is devaluing you to being a female version of a man, completely ignoring the fact that you are your own person. You are worth more than that, Rachel."

Shirley coughed, noting that Annie and Rachel hadn't looked away from each other yet and that the former's hand was still on the latter's upper arm in an intimate manner. Which was just odd and inappropriate on so many levels. "I don't want to break up whatever it is you two are doing," she said, gesturing vaguely, "but we do have some work to do. Also, Annie, when did you become Britta?"

Annie's eyes snapped down to her hand and then up to Rachel's eyes. Shirley nearly rolled hers as Annie pulled back as if the other girl was scalding hot. A blush rose on her cheeks as she backed away a few steps awkwardly. Rachel cleared her throat and straightened a few non-existent wrinkles on her blouse and skirt. Shirley shook her head and silently sad a prayer for both their sakes.

"I've been taking a class from the women's study program this summer," Annie said after a few moments. "Britta insisted on it. She felt I needed to be in a stronger female power position if I was going to date Jeff. I don't think that means what she thinks it means, but some of what the professor says makes a lot of sense."

"You don't need any more power over that boy," Shirley muttered. Louder, and more sweetly, she said, "Let's go see if we can find Geneva."

The walk to the cafeteria was slow, thanks to Rachel's insistence on wearing the high heels that she was obviously not used to. To stay in character, she insisted. Though Shirley was a little lost as to what characters her and Annie were supposed to be playing. And when had they turned into a gender-swapped Troy and Abed? That would explain that little, highly inappropriate display back in her office, at the least. And that girl is supposed to be in love with Jeff. Her so casually flirting with _Rachel_ of all people just lent validation to the fears that she voiced yesterday and Shirley would be damned if…

Whoa. _You are trying to be non-judgmental about Jeff and Annie,_ Shirley thought. _You promised._

It wasn't exactly a promise she knew she could keep, but she would try for Annie's sake.

Speaking of the silver-tongued devil, Jeff was leaning against her counter, talking genially to Britta, whom Shirley had offered a part-time job to help augment her income at the bar. Honestly, she would have offered more hours to get her away from the dive she worked at, but Britta insisted on keeping the bar job for 'practice.' Shirley could only imagine the tips the girl lost because she couldn't stop herself from offering unsolicited therapy session. Of course, with the clientel she served, Britta wasn't really out of line. There were dive bars, and there were _dive bars_, and Britta certainly worked at the latter.

Shirley sighed wistfully as she watched the two talk easily, despite the awkwardness that had been May and their engagement. They really did make an attractive couple, and were more age appropriate, though not as much as any of them had originally thought, seeing as Jeff had lied about his age for the entire time they knew him. Of course, she had known he wasn't quite as young as he let on after the Foosball Incident, but Shirley had kept that to herself out of respect for Jeff.

The cafeteria was full considering it was still the summer term. The lunch rush had passed, with the students gathered really just socializing now. Almost all were wearing some type of dress clothes, even Chang, who had changed out of his Joker suit finally and looked really respectable in a gray suit and blue tie. He ruined the effect by gnawing on a piece of gristle like a psychotic chipmunk. On the plus side, he hadn't gotten any food on his suit.

Annie glared in Jeff's direction for a moment, but refused to do any more than that. Instead, the girl led the way to the radio station booth just outside the cafeteria proper. It was dark, like Duncan had suggested it would be. That made Shirley shake her head in wonderment that _Ian Duncan_ was more connected to what was going on at Greendale than she was. Leonard taking over as the gossip queen was bad enough, but to have that drunk Englishman usurp her spot didn't sit well at all.

Geneva could barely be made out in the booth, where a small desk lamp provided the only light in the room. She was dressed in an expensive looking yellow dress, or Shirley assumed it was a dress, at least. The radio console blocked a full view. Her dishwater blonde hair was pulled up into a messy bun and a pen was behind her ear as she hunched over what was presumably a book. She looked so young and alone that Shirley let out an unconscious coo of sadness.

"I know, right?" Rachel nodded. "I'm going with Newcomer to explain this."

"Are you being meta, Rachel?" Shirley asked. "Because whenever Abed went meta, things usually spiraled out of control quickly," she let her voice drop a couple of octaves, "and we don't need another riot."

"I'm not being meta," Rachel said, but then paused. "I'm not being entirely meta. Geneva is obviously exhibiting signs of the Friendless Background trope. There are several possible sub-categories, one of which is the Newcomer, which means that she's ostracized because she's new to the school."

"That wouldn't surprise me," Shirley said. "From what she's said in class, she just graduated high school and is really intelligent. She'll also tell you all about it and how this is just a stop-gap to something better. It's really off-putting."

Annie frowned in thought. "Let me go talk to her."

"Are you sure, sweetie?" Shirley asked. Images of a tantrum during a Model U.N. competition flashed through her thoughts.

"I've matured a lot since Annie Kim," Annie replied as if she could read Shirley's mind. "And I can relate to this girl. I was this girl."

"Okay, Annie," Shirley sang, though with a cautious look on her face. To Rachel, she muttered, "I give it five minutes before we have to break them up."

"Two," Rachel said with a smile. "Loser D.D.'s Duncan at the next group outing?"

"Deal," Shirley smiled, but it quickly fell off her face when she glanced back at her shop. Andre was standing up there, talking to an obviously standoffish Jeff and a Britta that looked about ready to explode into her pseudo-psychological gibberish. "Oh, sweet Jesus. That's not going to end well."

Rachel tracked Shirley's gaze and gave a gentle shove in that direction. Shirley wove her way through the tables to her shop. Britta was staring daggers at Andre, who was wearing a sky blue dress shirt and a pair of khaki slacks. He looked really good, though Shirley had to admit she was a little biased. He even looked great in those ridiculous sweaters his dad insisted on giving him every year for his birthday and Christmas. His half of the closet had been packed with those sweaters, and Andre seemed content to wear them even in the summer.

Jeff was doing his best act cordial but there was some ice in his tone as Shirley heard him ask, "So, Andre, how's the stereo store?"

"It closed," Andre said. His arms were crossed over his chest and his face was not at all friendly. "Working at Behring Systems doing home technology installations. How's the law practice?"

"Now a payday loan place, if I saw correctly."

"Shame."

"Back at you."

Britta smirked and said, "There is so much testosterone in the air right now, I can feel myself..."

"Don't finish that sentence," Jeff said with a hand-zip motion. Amazingly, Britta kept quiet, though her sour face was in full effect.

Shirley coughed lightly and both men jumped at her sudden appearance before them. Jeff cocked an eyebrow at her suit, but Andre stared in confusion. "Shirley, why are you wearing that _Pulp Fiction_ costume? In fact, everyone I've seen on campus is way over-dressed."

"Final project," Shirley said vaguely. Jeff grinned widely, as if he were proud to have instigated the campus-wide firm-to-firm battle. Shirley glared at him pointedly, then at Andre and back again.

Thankfully, Jeff took the hint quickly and reached around the counter to grab Britta's arm. "Hey, I'm working," she protested.

"Yes," Jeff agreed. "And we're all very impressed by this fact. But, for the next few minutes, you'll be working over here at a table with me, ignoring the…Shirley, would you happen to know why Rachel is frantically trying to get your attention?"

"What?" Her head snapped up and around to the entrance to the cafeteria, where Rachel was jumping and waving her arms wildly. When she saw that she had Shirley's attention, she pointed at the radio station booth with a look of panic on her face. Shirley sighed in resignation and turned to Andre. "Sugar Boots, would you mind waiting about five minutes? I have to make sure Annie doesn't need an actual lawyer."

"Sure," he said with a huff. "I'm only on my lunch break."

"Thank you," she sang with a smile. "Britta, would you make Andre a BLT, no mayo? On the house, please and thank you." She paused and added in a lower tone, "And don't you even think about spitting in it."

Shirley didn't wait for a response before turning and making her way back towards the radio station. Jeff caught up to her quickly and calmly asked, "Why would Annie need an actual lawyer?"

"No reason," Shirley said hesitantly. They came to a stop in front of Rachel, who had stopped jumping and was, now, watching the inside of the booth with rapt fascination. Both Shirley and Jeff followed her gaze and let out twin groans at the sight.

Annie was on one side of the radio console, Geneva on the other. Both were standing and were obviously screaming at each other. Even in the dim lighting, Shirley could see Annie's face was red, while Geneva's hair had partially fallen out of the sloppy bun she had placed it in. Thankfully, neither seemed inclined to take it to a physical level, but Shirley figured they had probably best break it up before it got to that point.

None of the three of them made as much as a muscle twitch in the direction of the door.

Jeff was the first to speak and Shirley could hear both the humor and the fear in his voice. "You let Annie go in to negotiate with Geneva alone."

Rachel shrugged. "She swore she had matured since 'Annie Kim.' I didn't understand what that meant."

"Long story," Jeff said. He ran one hand through is hair nervously. "It involved multiple Earths and a Model U.N. competition."

"I missed out on all the cool stuff," Rachel said after a moment of staring blankly at Jeff.

Jeff chuckled and gestured to the window, where Annie was now flapping her arms like a bird, for some reason. "I have no problem admitting I'm a little afraid to go in there."

"How bad could it be?" Rachel asked. "I mean, I saw her pretty competitive with Abed during the _Pile of Bullets _incident. She can't be much worse than that."

In answer, Jeff walked over to the booth door, which had been sound-proofed, and pulled it open slightly. The sudden blast of sound was disorienting.

"TORT REFORM."

"SHERMAN ACT."

"HART-SCOTT-RODINO."

"THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS."

"NEITHER DOES THE SHERMAN ACT."

Jeff silently let the door swing shut. Rachel stared at it for a moment. "Huh."

"Someone has to go in there," Shirley said. Rachel and Jeff looked at each other and then back at her. "Really? You're going to make _me_ go in there? Aren't you her boyfriend?"

Jeff shrugged. "Not technically. We're exploring the potential for a relationship at the moment, so we're avoiding labels. Her words, not mine. And she's already punched me once this summer. I'd prefer not to put myself in a position to where a second time is a distinct possibility."

Shirley rolled her eyes and grabbed Jeff by the elbow, dragging him toward the door. Rachel started and yanked the door open, wincing at the yelling that had dissolved into wordless gibberish at that point. "Girls?" Shirley asked sweetly.

They ignored her and exchanged insults that sounded like 'bolting-hutch of beastliness' and 'fusty nut with no kernel.' Shirley couldn't really tell with the high-pitched, overlapping screaming. Rachel made an impressed face and said, "They've gone full Shakespearean."

Jeff nodded solemnly. "You should never go full Shakespearean."

Shirley huffed in displeasure. This was getting ridiculous. "Girls," she tried a little louder and more forcefully.

That attempt had no results, so she put her fingers in her mouth and whistled for all she was worth. Everyone in the booth cringed at the sound, though the end result was the desired one. Geneva and Annie both goggled at her stupidly for a moment before Annie's eyes slid towards Jeff, who gulped comically.

"Annie," Shirley sang. "Maybe you should step outside for a moment and cool off."

"That sounds like a great idea," Annie said, her eyes never leaving Jeff. "Won't you join me, _Professor _Winger?"

"Annie, before you say anything…"

"Out. Side."

Shirley watched them leave, Jeff with his shoulder hunched up around his neck. She glanced at Rachel, who held up her hands and shook her head. "I think I'm much safer in here."

With a fond chuckle, Shirley turned her attention back to Geneva, who was breathing heavily and leaning against the radio console. "That…That…bit…"

"I'm going to stop you right there," Shirley said. "We're going to have a calm, rational, _adult_ conversation that will not devolve into name calling. Do you feel me?"

Geneva glared for a long moment, but Shirley was well versed in the battle of wills that came from dealing with teenagers. Elijah had reached an age where Andre was going to have to seriously consider giving the boy the _talk_, which better revolve around waiting until marriage and not shacking up with the first stripper to pay some attention to him. Regardless, her oldest had reached the age where challenging parental authority was pretty much the norm, so Shirley had practiced up on the art of uncomfortable eye contact, forcing the other person to blink first.

Like Geneva just did. "Yes, ma'am," she said, her eyes diverted to the carpet.

Shirley's heart melted a little for the girl, but she didn't let that show. Instead, she sighed and dropped wearily into one of the chairs opposite the microphone, most likely for guests. "I know Annie can be somewhat…intense. I apologize for her actions."

"Intense," Geneva snorted, but stopped herself from saying what she obviously wanted to say. Shirley was pleased by the display of self-control. The younger girl's gaze drifted to the window and Shirley followed, only to roll her eyes. Jeff and Annie were standing there, in the cafeteria, shouting at each other.

Well, it was more Annie shouting and Jeff trying to get a word in edgewise, which normally would have been kind of funny, considering the latter's self-proclaimed ability to talk his way out of anything, but Shirley just shook her head in resignation. _Yeah. So, ready for a relationship with each other_, she thought.

"I don't know that intense is really the right word," Geneva continued. "Psychotic, maybe."

"Geneva, what did I say?" Shirley said, trying to keep her voice on the 'sweet' side of the spectrum. "And, before you call anyone anything, remember judge not, lest ye be judged yourself."

"Matthew chapter seven, verse one," Geneva rattled off automatically, shocking Shirley. "Well, strictly speaking, the exact quote is 'Judge not, that ye be not judged.' And, really, if you look at the whole passage, not just the line, you'll find that it's actually encouraging you to look in the mirror and judge yourself to come clean before God."

Rachel and Shirley looked at each other and then back at Geneva, who shrugged awkwardly. "I went to Catholic school and did a paper on it last year in Theology. I kind of wanted to be a biblical researcher."

"That's nice," Shirley said with a huge smile. It had only taken five-plus years, but, finally, this campus had a second, upstanding Christian woman. Already, she had visions of Bible studies, possibly even dragging Annie and Rachel along. Britta wasn't even a consideration, considering she would do nothing but scoff and make snide, little comments about her Lord and Savior. "Is that your major?"

"No," Geneva sighed, with more than a little bitterness. "Greendale doesn't have a theology program. I'm just here for a couple of semesters to get some credits out of the way until I get off the wait list for my first choice."

"At least you have a plan," Rachel offered.

Geneva snorted, a very unexpected and unladylike sound. "Sure. A plan. I'll just transfer Theoretical Phys Ed. Or maybe Advanced Breath Holding."

"I admit this place gets ridiculous," Shirley said. "But it can also be a home, if you'll let it."

"I doubt it," Geneva said. "I mean, I understand why you and that…woman are here, but I have such a bright future ahead of me."

Shirley bristled at that, indignation growing both for herself and on Annie's behalf. Geneva didn't seem to notice the shift in atmosphere though, as she continued on. "How did I end up here? Can you tell me that? Where did I go wrong in life? I had the highest grade point average at Riverside High School since some pill popper who didn't even finish. My parents have a lot of money, enough that tuition even at a place like Notre Dame isn't a problem. I have extracurricular activities by the truck load, community involvement, letters of recommendation, and…and…and yet, I'm at a place that has a motto of _E Pluribus Anus. _You know what that translation is? Among many older women."

Rachel snorted behind Shirley, but kept her mouth shut at the elder woman's glare, which was turned on Geneva. "I understand you're frustrated with how your life turned out, but you best watch yourself. That pill popper is a good friend of mine."

"Wait," Geneva blinked. Her eyes tracked to the window, where Annie was now holding a cream pie in a threatening manner, while Jeff had managed to find a bottle of seltzer water. Chang was oddly standing behind Annie like her bodyguard. "_That_ is Annie Adderall? That explains so much."

Rage bubbled up in Shirley quickly, but the very non-Christian sentence she was about to spout off was cut off by Rachel. "Okay, that's enough. You want to whine like a child about how tough you have it, go right ahead. But you will _not _badmouth my friend. Sure, that woman out there may be high-strung, and prone to angry outbursts, and ridiculously competitive…"

"I don't think you're helping as much as you think you are, sweetie," Shirley murmured.

Rachel waved her off and stepped forward forcefully, thrusting a finger into Geneva's chest. "My point is, that, yes, she's kind of a mess at times, but that is also one of the best people I know. And I feel sorry for you if you don't allow her the chance to show you that."

Geneva scoffed and rolled her eyes. Shirley knew that, despite the passion in Rachel's speech, surprising passion if she were to be honest, she hadn't managed to reach the younger girl. Instead, Shirley stood and put on her best 'Forrest Whitaker Look.' Geneva blanched and backed away. "What…?"

"Okay, listen here, you skinny little jezebel," Shirley growled. "You are going to go out there and apologize to Annie. Then you are going to go to your partners and end this little farce of a final _Professor_ Winger decided to put on by accepting our firm's generous offer of one-thousand dollars."

"But…"

"No buts," Shirley glared down at the younger woman. Impressive, since Geneva was a good six inches taller. "Apology and then acceptance of our offer. Do. You. Feel. Me?"

"Yes, ma'am," Geneva said weakly and made to shuffle past her and out the door. Shirley and Rachel turned to the window to find Jeff covered in cream pie guts, while Chang was standing in front of Annie, looking like he had just emerged from a pool while wearing a suit. Annie was stifling a laugh, dry as can be, while Jeff flicked a piece of pie from his eyes. Shirley saw the small smile pulling at the corner of his mouth, though, and marveled that he didn't look angry in the least bit.

Geneva walked up to the trio, he head down, and muttered something to Annie, who frowned and nodded once. The girl then turned to Jeff and met his eyes. He also nodded and gave her a small grin. Shirley watched as Annie rolled her eyes and moved around Chang to finger a little chunk of the pie on Jeff's shirt, smiling coyly up at him. The look on his face as he looked down at Annie took Shirley's breath, because it was warm and caring and absolutely nothing like she had ever seen him give another person before.

Well, damn.

She was going to have to get a 'Team Jannie' shirt, now.

Jeff glanced in the booth and sighed before pushing open the door. "Hey, Rachel, can I have a moment with Shirley?"

"Sure," Rachel said. She paused with her hand on the door and said, "Just for the record, we probably just created the Big Bad for the year. You know that, right?"

"She's just a kid," Jeff protested.

Rachel nodded solemnly. "That's why we'll never see her sudden, but inevitable, betrayal coming."

Jeff watched the door swing shut before turning to Shirley. "We're absolutely sure Abed didn't somehow make a female clone?"

"Pretty sure," Shirley said with a small smile. "Though I don't think anything that boy does would surprise me."

"True," Jeff said. He leaned back against the window and let out a slow breath. "Look, Shirley, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have used your situation like I did. It was careless and thoughtless and academically lazy."

"Academically lazy, huh?" Shirley said with a raised eye brow. "You came up with that apology all on your own, did you?"

Jeff shifted uncomfortably. "I may have had some help."

Shirley chuffed and shook her head. "Jeffrey…"

"I know, I know," Jeff said with a small smile. "I am, though. Sorry, that is. I really didn't think this whole thing through."

"Apology accepted," she said. "Though, you can make it up to me by making sure I get an A."

"Done," Jeff said. "And, before you protest, you had the highest grade in the class. Higher even than Annie two-point-oh. You would have had to get a zero on the final to just fall to a B."

Shirley beamed. "Thank you."

A knock at the window drew their attention. Andre was peering in, looking a little perturbed and pointing at his watch. Jeff shot him a glare and asked, "You want me to stick around?"

"No, but thank you," Shirley sighed. "This is a conversation I need to have with my husband."

Jeff blinked. "Wait, what? I thought…"

"We're separated," she replied. "Divorce is not something I'm willing to do. In fact, I'm hoping we can start working this out."

"All right," Jeff said slowly as he pushed open the door and let Andre in. The two men exchanged glares and Shirley sighed in exasperation.

Andre waited a beat for the door to fully shut before asking, "Are him and Annie finally together? They were arguing pretty loudly about something. Then they somehow found clown props."

"They've finally admitted their feelings to one another," Shirley said. "I wasn't supportive of it at first, but I just saw how he was with her and, I have to admit, he does care for her deeply."

Andre shrugged. "Good for them, I guess."

"It's nice," Shirley said. "It just shows me that love can overcome."

"Shirley," Andre started, but she shook her head and made a sound in her throat.

"Andre, I think the fact that neither one of us has brought up divorce even though it's been eight months says something," she said. "You are my husband, the father of my children, and the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I lost sight of that and I'm sorry."

He rubbed his face and let out a slow breath. "Shirley…what brought this on?"

"Gobi," she admitted. At Andre's confused look, she added, "Abed's dad. He died last month. A heart attack, while he was alone in his falafel shop. I don't want to become that."

"That's terrible," Andre said. "How's Abed holding up?"

Shirley made a sad sound. "We don't know. He's dropped off the face of the earth. His cell phone is turned off, he's moved out of the apartment with Annie, and all he's told Rachel is that he has to 're-evaluate things.' Whatever that means. Though I hope it means he's finding the Lord, because that boy needs Christ in his life right now."

"Shirley…"

"I know, I know," she waved him off. "I'm working on it. He, uh, he did leave me with a generous offer to buy his dad's shop."

Andre raised an eyebrow. "How generous?"

"Two thousand."

She nearly reached for him as Andre began coughing like he had swallowed something wrong. "Dollars?" he finally got out. "It's legit?"

"As far as I can tell," Shirley confirmed. "I'm not taking it, though."

"Why not?" Andre asked. "Shirley, that's…"

"Because the last time I tried to expand, I lost what really matters most to me," she cut in. "I will not sacrifice you or the kids again."

He nodded absently and seemed to wrestle with something for a bit. Shirley crossed over to him and put a hand on his arm. "Sugar Boots, what is it?"

"I…" he trailed off and shook her hand off him, pacing to the far side of the room. "I've talked to a lawyer. About starting proceedings."

"We are not getting divorced," Shirley growled.

"And we're not getting back together, either," Andre said calmly. "Baby, I love you. I probably always will, be we've proved on two different tries that we just aren't good for each other. We've changed so much since our first marriage that we're just not compatible any longer. It's bad for us and, worse, it's bad for the kids. Do you really want Ben growing up with his parents constantly at each other's throats?"

She thought about it for a long moment. Sure, she could say they would keep their disagreements away from the kids, but the reality was that children were a lot more perceptive than people gave them credit for and it was inevitable that they would pick up on the tension between her and Andre. Ben, especially, would take his cues for his future relationships from what he would learn from the way she and Andre interacted. And, like she had told Annie the day before, sometimes love wasn't enough for a good relationship.

Still, she didn't want to give up. Even if it seemed she was the only one who didn't want to.

Shirley shook her head and prayed for wisdom once more. She looked at Andre and said, "I need some time to think about this."

"That's fine," he nodded. "I only talked to the lawyer, I didn't start anything."

Shirley narrowed her eyes. "You didn't go to that evil Alan, did you?"

Andre held up his hands in calming manner. "No. He's a family law guy my sister knows."

"Well, okay then," she said, all the fight suddenly going out of her. "You should probably get back to work."

"Yeah," he said with a small grimace. He moved to the door and hesitated before leaving. "I am sorry, Shirley."

"I know you are, Andre," she sighed and watched him walk out the door. It felt so final that she couldn't help but shed a small tear. She wasn't let alone very long, however, before Annie poked her head into the radio station.

"Shirley, are you okay?"

She offered the younger woman a small, humorless smile. "I don't think so, pumpkin."

Annie was across the room before Shirley registered it and enveloped her in a hug. "I won't say it'll be okay, because this probably sucks, but you know we're all here for you, right?"

"I know, Annie," Shirley said with a watery smile. "It just hurts, you know?"

"Aw. You want to go to Peg Leg Pablos?"

"I kind of want to go to the Ballroom," Shirley muttered. That, of course, was a Bad Idea. To Annie, she said, "Let me finish up things here with the shop and then with Grover. Meet you there at seven?"

"Absolutely," Annie said. "I'll grab Jeff, Britta, and Rachel, too, if you don't mind."

Shirley gave her a smile. "I think that would be great. I need my family right now."

Her family. It was more than a little dysfunctial, and a bit incestuous, but they were hers. If she couldn't have Andre, then the study group, plus Rachel, who had worked her way into their weird little family, even without Abed there, were more than enough to fill the loss.

Maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't end up like Gobi, after all.

* * *

><p>AN: Okay, first things first. Before anyone freaks out that I'm going to break up Jannie for Rannie, or do some weird harem thing, all that little scene was is a nod to <em>Suits<em> and the Mike/Rachel relationship, since this particular chapter was supposed to be my attempt at an homage, with Annie=Mike and Rachel...uh...Rachel.

Now, then, Shirley's Law in the books. Fun little Halloween chapter incoming next week. Hopefully. Been kind of stalled out, writing-wise the last week or so. Have a week to pound something out.

Heh. Pound.

Sometimes, I'm twelve.

To the Guest along for the ride: I know, right? I can't wait to see where this is going, either!

Until next week, dear readers!


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